I’ve been feeling and drawing upon a lot of Kali/Durga energy lately. With Lake Michigan all choppy, I almost got blown in today by a giant gust of wind on my 102 pound frame. I’ve written on the destructive, transformative process of Kali before, but right now I’m celebrating the loving fruits of her power. For a translation of this chant, please click here. Jaya Jagatambe!
Archive for February, 2010
Just sending out a giant Happy Birthday to my dear friend, fellow raw fooder and artist, Tania Marie. If you’ve not seen her artwork or tattoos, please check out her site here. Her images and energy will blow you away. 🙂
Well, I’m happy to say that I am fully settled into my new apartment overlooking Lake Michigan in Chicago. This whole move went so synchronously that I’ll only share a few of the more striking highlights here in order to allay anyone’s concerns that I might be struggling with the winter weather or living on my own again. Quite the contrary, I am loving both!
The move began on February 6th with the movers working so efficiently that I considered catching an earlier flight than my intended redeye from San Francisco to Chicago. I checked availability and managed to squeeze in one last trip to Seed Restaurant before heading down to catch a 4:00 flight, which brought me into Chicago a day earlier than anticipated.
The flight itself “flew by” as I listened to Krishna Das’ “Door of Faith” the entire time. Getting ready to land, I looked out the window as the plane parted red clouds over the city lights. Krishna Das belted out chants on the last song, and the whole experience felt totally surreal and dramatic, like in a slow motion movie or something.
My brother and his wife picked me up and I spent about two weeks at my friend Wendy’s apartment in South Evanston. She and her Australian boyfriend, Matthew, are both incredible healers, so it was a highly nurturing and transformative two weeks. Synchronously, I gave Wendy my couch when I left Evanston in 2001, and that’s the very same couch I slept on while staying there. Full circle.
I had expected to rent a place in Evanston, and had my eye on a 1 BR apartment in Wendy’s building. With all my previous moving experience, I can normally just pick a spot and rent it sight unseen prior to arrival, but when I started to do that in California, something told me, “Wait. Do NOT rent anything until you get there, or you will be disappointed.” I listened and continued to get the message even while staying at Wendy’s that it was not the right time to look for a place. Meanwhile, her building’s management did not return five of my phone calls about the 1 BR they continued to advertise. She also called them, with no response. Closed door.
Wendy, Matthew and I were having so much fun that they offered me to stay there and just have my movers put my belongings in Wendy’s garage. This appealed to me as I have a strong sense my life is about to make another major shift and I had strong reservations about signing a lease. I had all but decided to exercise that option when some major synchronicities around Hyde Park started happening.
For those of you who don’t know, Hyde Park is on the South Side of Chicago, where I went to school at the University of Chicago. I got my Master’s Degree there in 1996, but truth be told, that was one of the most difficult, miserable nine months of my life! So much so that I had made a vow never to return to Hyde Park, and even with two years of living in Evanston and many visits to Chicago since, I had held to that vow for nearly fourteen years.
A strange thing happened, though. I was praying shortly after my arrival in Evanston and drawing cards from a variety of divination decks. (Wendy has several very cool ones!) I kept pulling the Forgiveness card — from multiple decks. At first I thought I just needed to forgive various people and myself for decisions and actions, but the words “Hyde Park” kept coming up. What?? “Forgive Hyde Park. Go, make peace with Hyde Park.” I toyed with the idea of visiting there the following day and that night I had a recurring dream five times:
I was looking through a slat in a door at a red planet or star and there were beings talking to me. We were waiting for something. All of a sudden, the beings would all say to me in an excited voice, “Alpha Centaurus is coming!” Then I would wake up and “know” I had to go to Hyde Park the following day. Don’t ask me the connection, or why one had to do with the other, but the message was clear.
So … I took a couple trains and a bus to Hyde Park on an unplanned, unrouted trip from Evanston. Because it was unplanned, I went through one of the worst areas of Chicago, but made it through unscathed and was dropped off right in front of … a giant juice bar! One of the things I was saddest about leaving in CA was the Juice Shack where I could get massive veggie juices. I thought the closest thing I’d get in this area would be a Jamba Juice with just a carrot juice and wheat grass option. I did have one pet peeve even with Juice Shack, though, and that was that I could not have a cucumber base for my juices. Yes, I’m a little odd. Sometimes I don’t like carrot or apple as the base. I just want green. So … there I was, on this dream-inspired journey to the one place I vowed never to return to, and I got dropped off at a juice bar that offers cucumber bases for their organic juices! They also have a large vegan and raw food selection, which I truly did not anticipate in Hyde Park.
Everyone was incredibly friendly, and to top things off, an old friend called me on the train on my way down to HP, and we got to meet for tea because we were both in the area at the same time. I walked past my old apartment at the exact moment I wondered if I would find it, and in general “forgave” Hyde Park for all my 1995-96 misery. I and it had seriously changed.
Back to Evanston: I still thought I would just ride out my changes at Wendy’s place, but on Valentine’s Day I awoke from more dreams with repeated messages. Specifically: “Go to Hyde Park tomorrow and find an apartment because your movers will be here Wednesday.” Craziness, but my whole divorce and move have been so synchronous that I didn’t argue. I just … negotiated.
I said, “OK, I will go to Hyde Park on Monday, but I am not putting a lot of effort into this search. I want a place by the Lake, and I want it to be the right place, and I want it to be obvious because this is NOT where I would have planned to live.” I went via a safer route and just wandered towards the Lake. I buzzed one place, and the manager said to call her cell phone, but she didn’t pick up. OK, not that place. I wandered a little more, found a place with good numbers (angel numbers) and looked at an apartment there. It was too small, but the manager was very nice. Exceptionally nice. She asked what I really wanted and said, “Let me make a call. I think I know just the place for you.”
I walked two blocks closer to the Lake, met a different manager, and was shown a top (ninth) floor apartment with a Lake view on one side and a view of the rest of Hyde Park on the other side. I liked the apartment, but my concern about a year’s lease kept boiling in the background. I asked for a six month lease, but she said she’d have to charge me a huge surcharge. If I would accept a 4.5 month lease, however, there would be no surcharge. Perfect! I signed on that day. My lease ends literally the day before my California divorce becomes final. After paying for the apartment, I got a call from my movers saying they were, indeed, coming on Wednesday and had I found a place yet?
So … I’m in my new place, and I love it. I walk to the Lake nearly every day, trudge through crisp snow and cold air that feels surprisingly invigorating. I walk to the juice bar, eat cheap Thai or Indian food at nearby restaurants, and paint and visit with my friends. A month ago I never would have believed these words would come out of my mouth, but I love Hyde Park!
I sense I am here for only a short, transitory time, tying up a lot of loose ends. Not only am I on the ninth floor (nine for completion), but all the numbers in my address and zip code add up to nine. My lease term is half of nine, and I keep getting signs that the end of June marks some kind of hinge point in my life. For now, though, I love where I am and how things are unfolding.
Some of the biggest observations:
1) I “need” much less cacao in Chicago. I don’t even think about it unless it’s in front of me, whereas in California and Sedona I had become quite the cacao junkie. 😉
2) I can eat about 50% raw and still feel as good or better than when I ate 90-100% raw in California or Sedona.
3) I am beginning to feel very grounded. I have felt out of body for about twelve years, so this is a pretty big deal for me. I used to spend a lot of effort trying to anchor myself to this planet, concentrating on my feet, reigning in my energy, trying to be disciplined not to exit my body permanently. Since moving, this does not feel like nearly so much of a struggle. I have days where my energy just feels comfortable. I still feel like a visitor in my body, but at least I’m a regular guest — kind of like sleeping on my old couch at Wendy’s!
4) I keep seeing combinations of 5’s and 2’s, which means:
“2’s and 5’s, such as 255 or 225 – Your prayers and intentions have been clear, strong, and without reservations; therefore, expect a change to come about faster than you may have foreseen. Don’t let it throw you when your wishes come true. They may come about in unexpected ways, so hold on to your faith. Talk to God often, and ask for reassurance.” (You can find more angel number significance on Doreen Virtue’s website.) I saw these numbers before my move timing ramped up by four months, so I anticipate some other shifts soon.
5) I love winter! In Northern California, I always felt cold, like chilled to the bone. For some reason, even though the temperature is colder here, and often just as damp, I don’t feel chilled. I just feel good.
6) The Lake feels better to me than the Pacific Ocean. I didn’t anticipate that one, but it does.
7) Life feels really good without any boundaries or “nevers.” I should never say never, because I always end up doing the nevers anyway, but this move has freed up a large chunk of my heart and energy. Hyde Park and University of Chicago in many ways marked the most major way I had gone “off path” — seeking an academic lifestyle instead of a more artistic, creative, spiritual one. I feel like I’m integrating on a deep, deep level, and finding an old journal has helped me recognize that in a rational way as well.
8 ) I am going to start offering commissioned art pieces — canvases, found objects, wood panels and/or doors for sale. If you live in the Chicago area, I am available to do in-home decorative painting. If you live outside this area, I can offer anything that can be mailed or shipped. I infuse all my paintings with Reiki, Runic knowledge and symbols, Sacred Geometry and whatever intention seems appropriate, be it healing, transmutation, prosperity or something else. If you’re interested, please contact me for samples of my work or pricing.
That’s all for now. Happy almost Full Moon!
Those of you who read my Sonoma County Moving Story, know that Stephen and I arrived in our current home through a series of synchronicities that caught our attention in a big way. Although people always consider me “very Sonoma County,” I have felt strongly since moving back to California that we were here more for Stephen than for me, especially in this little 1111 house. I have been receiving so many concerned emails that I thought I should make a public announcement regarding some unusual aspects of our divorce.
First of all, yes, the divorce is still amicable. Beyond amicable. It feels blessed and like the most synchronized event in both our lives. If you know how much we live by synchronicity, this really says something! Secondly, yes, I know about Stephen’s relationship with Shana Dean, and they have my full blessing and joy. In fact, I set them up. I have been friends with Shana since May 2008, but we became very good friends once Stephen and I moved to Santa Rosa on Summer Solstice 2009.
The more we hung out, the more I noticed her compatibility with Stephen. As Stephen and I continued to discuss our relationship, I kept seeing (in my mind’s eye) Stephen and Shana together. Then Shana had a psychic reading (with someone else) describing a soul connection with someone who sounded exactly like Stephen. I promptly introduced them — insisted they meet, insisted they explore this, and they finally did. Although it sounds weird to outsiders, and is admittedly a little strange even to the insiders(!), everything’s moving along smoothly and blessed, and their relationship has freed me to move back to the Chicago area much sooner than expected. I am so excited for this next phase of all our lives. Really, truly joyful, so please rest easily on that front. This is Spirit in action, not a tragedy. 🙂
My mom sent me something via email yesterday — a meditation/study from a Christian publication called “The Upper Room.” The piece focused on the pillar of cloud and the pillar of fire that led the Israelites through the desert so that they could travel by day and night and never lose their way. I have had so many synchronicities, signs, nudges and miraculous arrivals of resources to get me back to Chicago/Evanston that I do feel like I’m following a pillar of cloud and a pillar of fire. And there’s plenty of manna to go around, too!
For all the amazing events since our Summer Solstice move, this all has kind of an eerie familiarity to me. In 2001, I went through a similar series of Divine interventions to get me out of Chicago/Evanston and into Seattle. Money arrived at the last moment; bizarre coincidences grabbed my attention; the right people appeared at the right time.
For years and especially in recent months, I have felt like I’m walking a labyrinth, retracing steps I took many years ago, but with the awareness and maturity that comes from a long journey to center. I’ve had a vision of the endpoint, but it didn’t make sense given all of life’s twists and turns. In a labyrinth, “The way in is the way out,” a phrase that has haunted me for at least a year. When drifting off to sleep, I would hear this phrase; when waking up, I would think it.
I’ve written about my dreams and “obsession” with doors and portals — even started painting them! Beginning with the Full Moon in Gemini on 12/12/2008, I’ve sensed that something massive was shifting in my life. I’ve received glimmers of what, but I had no idea how things would reorganize to get me there. After another year of walking the labyrinth, twisting and turning, yet always remaining step by step on a clear path, I’m beginning to find myself close to the entrance.
But the way in is the way out, and the way out is the way in. In returning to Evanston/Chicago, I can feel things coming full circle in a hugely positive, fulfilling way. I feel like someone who journeyed to Chartes Cathedral instead of going all the way to Jerusalem — taking the long pilgrimage there and then slowly, meditatively walking to the center of the labyrinth and back out, then home again. I even painted a labyrinth from Chartes Cathedral on a block of wood at my parents’ house, just waiting for them to ship it to me in my new home. Whenever I get that Victorian House I keep seeing with all the doors painted by me, I think I’ll also paint some kind of labyrinth on the living room floor! In any case, my life feels so blessed and so touched by the Divine that words cannot do it justice. It’s a feeling in my heart, and I hope you will join me in feeling grateful for the beauty and fluidity of life as I say goodbye to all the people, places and things that have formed so much of my last nine years:
Goodbye Sonoma County
Goodbye Stephen Bruno
Goodbye Living Light
Goodbye Seed and Slice of Life
Goodbye Petaluma Raw Food Potluck
Goodbye Lake Tahoe, Reno and Timothy Glenn
Goodbye Oregon Coast and Ashland
Goodbye New Mexico
Goodbye Pacific Ocean in all your Majestic Beauty and Power
Goodbye Cacao for Breakfast — Okay, maybe not; I might never say goodbye to cacao for breakfast 😉
Hello family, friends and loved ones as neighbors again!
Hello Lake Michigan
Hello feeling grounded
Hello four seasons
Hello short flight to see my niece and nephews, sister, brother-in-law, parents and grandmother
Hello Life in all your crazy, twisted, amazing abundance!
Many Blessings! I leave California on Saturday, February 6. I will still have some availability for sessions while I shift into this new life, but please use the following email address for most efficient contact: laura @ lazyrawfoodist.com. If you must talk rather than email, my cell will stay the same: 775-750-9140.