Clearing Fog: Higher Discernment and Effective Tools to Free Yourself from Confusion, Narcissists and Sociopaths

Today’s topic has been trending in sessions for the past several months, but it’s reached a crescendo in recent weeks, both in sessions and in the collective. Specifically, as veils continue to thin or evaporate, people begin to catch glimpses of abuse, covert narcissism, sociopathy, or even just wonder:

Why aren’t I happy when everything in my life seems ‘perfect’?

Why am I so confused?

Why do I have no idea who I am or what I want?

Why do I suck at manifestation even though I’m a “lightworker”?

How can x not see through y (while z demands to know how y can’t see through x!)?

Hypothetically, if I am trapped in a relationship with someone on the narcissist or sociopath spectrum, how would I know, and how do I free myself?

How do they get away with it? (Or, alternatively, how could I not have seen this?)

If someone sounds angry and unspiritual, how could this person be right? (Or, alternatively, if someone is always full of love and light, how could this person be wrong?)

If this relationship is toxic, then why do I feel so guilty leaving it?

These questions and more have become so common in recent sessions that I realize it’s time for some additional posts on this topic, in addition to ones I’ve posted over the years.

First up: the topic of “gaslighting.” I’ve spent hours trying to find an articulate, comprehensive YouTube video, and this video from 2013 is the best one I’ve found to explain why we all need to increase our awareness of what gaslighting is and how to inoculate ourselves from its effects. James Corbett and Thomas Sheridan do an excellent job describing the history of this term, as well as the ways it affects individuals and our society, causing people to doubt their own sense of reality and remain victims:

Extra credit viewing: links to and clips from the original movie, “Gaslight.”

As James and Thomas explain, this concept of gaslighting — manipulating circumstances to make someone doubt his or her version of reality or believe s/he’s crazy — accounts for so much confusion in our society, as well as in individual lives. It’s pervasive, and learning to recognize this tactic will help in discerning how to deal with increased revelations on both personal and collective levels.

This next video discusses how to recognize and deal with a “covert narcissist,” someone who does not fit the typical idea of a bombastic, brash, arrogant, angry jerk, but rather more like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. These patterns are so prevalent in our society, especially among “paragons” of helping professions, spiritual and religious groups, community leaders and those people who seem like saints to everyone but the people closest to them. If you’ve ever been involved in one of these relationships, you know how devastating it feels when no one believes your cries for help. You also might wonder how the heck do I prevent this from going any further? Ross Rosenberg explains the dynamic, along with examples:

“Ross Rosenberg, author and codependency expert, discusses a technique he developed that empowers and assists recovering codependents with their struggles with their narcissistic loved ones. This is a revolutionary technique that will help anyone disconnect from an emotionally manipulative person’s (an addict or pathological narcissist) attempts to bring them into their world of chaos and drama. As George Bernard Show once said, ‘I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty,and besides, the pig likes it.’ This video will help the recovering codependent to not ‘wrestle’ with their manipulative narcissist. Ross is the author of the Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us, which can be purchased at http://www.HumanMagnetSyndrome.com”

The following video by Ross Rosenberg reveals the importance of not tipping your hand when you flee the clutches of a narcissist. These people thrive on conflict and dragging people into the fight. You can unmask them and help others to free themselves, but you do need an exit strategy:

If you suspect you might have experienced narcissistic abuse and/or gaslighting in your personal life (not just in the media or broader culture), you might also find the next two videos helpful. They are a bit repetitive, but when breaking free of mind control, repetition provides a counter-voice to the one narcissists and sociopaths help you internalize:

I will leave you with Lisa A. Romano’s personal example of the “Nice Narcissist” in her own life and just how these insidious behaviors sneak past intuitive nudges, gut instincts, and red flags:

Please note: I am not diagnosing or prescribing anyone or anything here — just sharing information to help people begin to clear the fog. I will likely continue to post on this topic, as energies and revelations are all over the place right now. Big hugs, discernment, courage, confidence and blessings to you!

12 responses to this post.

  1. Reblogged this on Reiki Dawn and commented:
    Lots of good info here that Laura provides. Better to be forearmed. After my own encounter with one awhile back Laura was very helpful in making sure I knew what to watch out in the future in my session with her f

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  2. Posted by seattle72 on August 31, 2016 at 2:19 am

    Gaslight is a really good movie. Gives me shivers watching it. Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman are brilliant in it. A 19 year old Angela Landsbury is in the cast as well.

    In the aftermath of ending a recent relationship, I was getting bummed thinking that it seems all men are abusive narcissists in some form. Then I was whacked upside the head with the realization it only seems that way because I keep trying to master my trauma to rewrite history to prove I’m worth loving, by cycling through the same story, with similar players, over and over again.

    I really started to buy into the idea that I must be crazy because when I was with him, things seemed so good. He dangled the carrot, and I jumped. It felt so familiar. Then, almost like clockwork, within 36 hours of spending time together, I would awaken from that spell and start questioning him, holding him accountable. I was no longer adoring and instead started calling him out on his crap, which included gaslighting, lies, evasion, etc. You can guess which side of me he labeled as crazy and unstable…

    I started to believe it too, that my adoring, fawning, butt-kissing, suck-up side was the sane side… Why couldn’t I just be nice all the time? I was so lucky to have him, if I keep this up I will lose him! ๐Ÿ˜ He encouraged that fawning part of me (which really is a coping persona borne from childhood abuse, a component of Complex PTSD, its the fourth ‘F’ in the fight, freeze, flight, fawn quartet). What an incredibly sick form of conditioning, what an incredibly unhealthy relationship.

    I think one of the gifts of this experience is discovering that my so-called bitchy side that stands up for myself and expects respect and accountability from others is actually a great facet to have! Its not the crazy side, or bad side as a few narcissists would have me believe. It carries much of my will and aligns with 3rd Chakra energies if I’m not mistaken.

    Conversely, if I see myself starting to fawn and trip over my good sense and self care to please someone for the reward of thier approval, that’s when I need to take a moment to assess whats really going on there, it could be a signal something is up.

    I’ve had it backwards for so many years now! It’s kind of freeing to realize that the side of me I wished away for so long, the side I blamed for all my failed relationships may actually be a very important part of my core being.

    I’m looking forward to exploring this flip in perspectives.

    Here are a few links pertaining to Complex PTSD that I found pretty helpful.

    http://outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-c-ptsd

    http://www.pete-walker.com/index.htm

    Thank you, as always, for creating this space to share.

    ๐Ÿ˜ธ

    Liked by 1 person

  3. […] « Clearing Fog: Higher Discernment and Effective Tools to Free Yourself from Confusion, Narcissists an… […]

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  4. Oh yes, these personality sorts can certainly stir up the fog (I remember reading one woman’s account and she referred to it as feeling like she’d been in the ‘spin cycle’ of the washing machine … good one). This is always such great information to share and share again, Laura — it’s helpful to recognize the patterns in play and be aware of the healthier options. Love, Jamie

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  5. Thank you, Jamie, that is a great image and very accurate. Whenever I encounter someone who is just completely “spun out” or so confused they have no idea at all what to make of a relationship, that’s always a big clue that these energies are at work somehow. I agree, this topic remains valuable again and again, as the patterns are so prevalent! Love, Laura

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  6. Thanks again, Seattle72! Very insightful comment and links. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  7. Thank you for sharing this, Dawn. It’s so important for people to reclaim sovereignty over their own energy, thoughts and feelings! xox

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  8. Understanding and information is crucial. Thank you so much for putting this together

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  9. I think empaths and sensitives will always attract narcissists and sociopaths, thus this is good article embedded with great videos to help one out of the fog, so to speak. I think ultimately, we need to learn to be self-reliant, know our boundaries and our sense of worth, because then gaslighting and other demeaning strategies will not effect us, and we will know how to discern mentally healthy individuals! Thanks for the share ๐Ÿ™‚

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  10. Thanks, and you’re welcome, Bridget!

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  11. […] order you to walk away from abuse or negativity or falsehood. Maybe you’ve developed a hypersensitivity to narcissists or sociopaths, in which case, you can save yourself a lot of trouble by proceeding with high alert cautionย  or […]

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  12. Thank you for the bit about covert narcissists. My sister is a world-traveling new age teacher, has written some really lovely sounding books, is on Coast to Coast, teaches workshops all over the world, and is still completely bat-shit crazy borderline and narcissistic in real life. And her eloquence and sugary sweetness, charities, animal rights, talk of working with angels, etc is crazy-making for me. She sounds like the kind of person I want to know! She really does have psychic talent. BUT She always wanted fame, and has found a way to get it. If I point out the fabrications in her newsletters, exaggerations or inconsistencies, lies about her background, etc, she gets very defensive or viscious. She is so good, I feel like the crazy one. She is also really good at psychic attack. Family events are all about her, she even upstaged my daughter’s wedding. It makes me doubt my own instincts… If she can be so phoney, what about all those other spiritual teachers out there? I guess I’ll stick to Eckhart Tolle. Thanks for the place to vent.

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