Thanks to Cindy for this wonderful, Faery Tale Wisdom about today’s world, called 2016: Year of the Serpent. This link is well worth a read by anyone who enjoys and/or respects the power of Story to provide deep awakening and understanding, as well as by anyone upset or confused about things like Brexit, Donald Trump, or the increased vitriol that plagues contemporary Western society.
The above link may be enough for people who already feel led to remove themselves from the fray and get back to creating a more positive reality in the here and now, in both tangible and spiritual ways — sometimes quite literally from the ground up by starting gardens and planting fruit trees. If instead of trees, you find yourself firmly planted in one shouting and rioting camp or another, then the next links will help you shake loose of the Left/Right shackles so you can reclaim your own opinions beyond propaganda and reclaim your own agency beyond government, media or their corporate sponsors telling you what to believe. Continue reading →
Today’s topic arises so many times in coaching sessions that I thought I’d address it here, since it seems more common than not for people to feel misplaced, isolated or otherwise “stuck” in a location other than their heart’s desire. Having lived in 43 homes throughout my life — including many of the most beautiful, stunning spots in the US — and currently living well in a way less than ideal area, I can share both personal and professional tips for creating your best life wherever you are. This is not a “settle for less” post, but rather a list of ways to ensure you receive the most benefit, growth and satisfaction from any given location until you either realize you do love where you live, or you manage to leverage yourself into something much more compatible and preferred.
Create a Sacred Space
The first, easiest and most important step you need to do is to reclaim your environment by creating a sacred space. Sacred means “made or declared holy” and includes the idea of “set apart.” Even if you live in a hovel with Messy McMess, find a corner, mantle, bathroom, nightstand, chair, closet, or room that you can clean, clear, decorate and dedicate to you. Size doesn’t matter. Even a corner of a bookshelf, consciously cleaned and intentionally claimed begins the sympathetic magic process of exerting more of your own energy over an incompatible location.
Once you choose a spot, you’ll attract opportunities to charm and enhance other areas. Instead of feeling oppressed by your environment, your field of influence grows and transmutes your surroundings. “As Within, So Without” very often begins with one tiny external shift.
Above, you can see an Element Altar, hidden in plain view, right in the center of our home. This little spot has featured different objects over the years, but I created it from Day One in order to honor the Elements — Earth, Air, Fire, and Water — in our home, celebrating and respecting Nature front and center in a region of the country that defiantly does not.
I’m an artist, so I know the power of color and symbols to shape space (and reality). Continue reading →
The topics of “resonance,” “harmony” and “frequency” have become especially common in phone sessions as people continue to get more sensitive to the energies in and around themselves. Many people feel unexpected and tremendous relief when they remove themselves from disharmonious influences that they considered either minor irritations or “must have’s” in their lives. In fact, they feel so much better that the sense of relief practically shouts itself from the rooftops.
They then feel a combination of guilt and elation that they “feel so much better with this person or situation out of my life. How is this possible? I can’t deny it, but they’re my ____[parent/sibling/spouse/job/best friend/random person I run into]. I feel bad for not hanging out with them, but I just can’t do it anymore. My body won’t let me. Should I feel bad? What’s going on?!”
What’s going on is what I call “frequency sorting,” and although it can seem surprising, it’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean one person is “evil” and the other “good.” It doesn’t mean one person is “right” and the other “totally wrong.” It just means, these people or situations are “not a match” or “not a match right now.”
But why is it such a big deal, and why does the body care so much?
The easiest illustration I can show is this video of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge Collapse, which shows how disharmonious frequency affects physical structures. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the wind that causes the bridge to sway; however, the continued frequency of that wind eventually causes the bridge to buckle and fall apart. The wind and the bridge are not compatible, and if the bridge had been able to remove itself from the wind or to create a buffer from that wind, then it would not now be “one of the world’s largest manmade reefs.”
Can this kind of resonance that destroys serve a larger purpose? Sure. In this case, “Gallopin’ Gertie” inspired the complete redesign of bridges across the world, because no one wanted a repeat of this level of destruction. But if your body is the bridge, or you’re on the bridge, and someone’s or something’s presence starts rocking your heart rate, hormones and any semblance of inner peace, self preservation strongly advises getting out of the way of that frequency. In the beginning, not much damage occurs, but with sustained exposure, look what happens:
Be gentle with yourself. Perhaps the frequencies between you two just happen to create highly destructive resonance waves right now. It might not mean forever. Frequencies do change, but if you notice, the wind sustains no damage. Only the bridge. The bridge is rockin’ and rollin’ and going all topsy turvy. If the wind said to the bridge, “I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m just blowing. It’s your problem.” Well, yeah, in this case, it is the bridge’s problem, but that doesn’t mean there’s not a very real problem. The bridge collapsed with sustained exposure.
Sometimes, you’re not the bridge, but you find yourself in a highly non-resonant situation of someone else’s drama. You’re like the person in the car on the swaying bridge. A bridge can’t easily walk away from a situation, but the person in the car on the topsy turvy Tacoma Narrows Bridge needed to make some fast, courageous decisions if they didn’t want to go down in Puget Sound.
In the bigger picture, good things can come of these situations, even if the bridge collapses, but do you want to risk collapse? The design of future bridges created safer suspension and buffers to prevent this sort of thing from happening as easily again. Perhaps your body’s just warning you to remove yourself from destructive resonance until you can change your own frequency so that you become less vulnerable to that specific frequency of wind. Perhaps, your body’s increasing malfunctions order you to walk away from abuse or negativity or falsehood. Maybe you’ve developed a hypersensitivity to narcissists or sociopaths, in which case, you can save yourself a lot of trouble by proceeding with high alert caution or — more often than not — getting out of the car and carefully running for your life.
A lot of people have recently developed extreme sensitivity to denial. Generally, coming out of denial leads to awakening, but it also destroys illusions and weak foundations in the process. Depending on how fully invested people feel in the denial, premature awakening could trigger a nervous breakdown or equivalent “collapse.” Once someone has awakened from denial, though, continuing to hang around people who live and breathe the lie, who embody the lie takes a huge toll on the body. Mismatched, disharmonious frequency sometimes feels horrible to both parties, but sometimes only one person needs to get away. No judgment here, really: think of the wind and the bridge. The wind didn’t feel a problem, but the bridge sure did! Again, the need to remove yourself from disharmonious frequency does not necessarily indicate who is right or wrong. It just “is” a need to remove yourself in order to avoid collapse.
Yes, sometimes positive new things come from a needed collapse, but often, we can embrace equally or even more positive new things by sidestepping collapse. You decide. In these chaotic times, learning to trust your body can help determine who or what to include in your life experience. What frequencies do you wish to engage? What frequencies feel supportive and strong? Which ones dis-integrate you? If you’re on what I call an Integration Lifetime, then you have a soul imperative to integrate. Choose wisely.
All the layers of your being matter. If you need to “see it to believe it,” then you might get to witness your own, personal “Gallopin’ Gertie.” If you can trust your feelings and act on those, then life can bring what David calls “Ease ‘n’ Please” instead of “Trauma Drama.” Bridges can get you from point a to point b, but the journey becomes far more interesting and difficult if the bridge collapses. You might still reach point b — perhaps your soul will insist upon it! But if you’re too afraid to address issues of frequency, resonance and harmony now, then it becomes ironic to call this “the safe choice.”
Listen to your body; cultivate your soul. If you need a stabilizing force in the wind so that you have the presence of mind and heart to decide, just ask. Just like the person in the car caught on the buckling bridge, you are not as alone as you feel right now. Help can arrive, but if you find yourself on a swaying, buckling bridge when help arrives, you might want to get out of the car!
Wishing you discernment, courage and strength in these chaotic times… find the right frequency for you, and all this chaos begins to feel empowering and good! But frequency is key.
I’ve been having so many 44, 444 and 144 synchronicities that it’s time to resurrect the $44 Tarot Special. I’m also feeling led to offer Intuitive Life Path Assessments for $144 this month. Please see details below:
$44 Tarot Readings
Half hour tarot readings at 20% off the usual rate. Tarot readings offer an energetic check-in, the chance to ask questions about pending decisions or intentions, and represent a fun, yet powerful way to gain new perspective on relationships and challenges.
Tarot readings are particularly good for people who don’t know what kinds of questions to ask me; they just want some kind of guidance because they feel unsure of what’s coming or what to focus upon. Tarot also seems to benefit those people who have exceptionally good things coming their way, yet wonder if I might be “padding the reading” or “just saying what they want to hear.” The cards don’t lie. (Neither do I – but the cards seem that much more objective a medium for delivering good news.)
Please contact me if you’d like to sign up for this special. Offer valid if prepaid on or before September 30, 2016.
$144 Intuitive Life Path Assessments
Intuitive Life Path Assessments let you know where you’re headed and where you’ve been on your soul’s long journey. These hour-long sessions emphasize the soul’s goals, obstacles in the way of accomplishing them, and the easiest and most fulfilling routes for finding your life path. $144 if prepaid on or before September 30, 2016. (Save $31 off the usual rate.) Please contact me if you’d like to sign up for this special.
“Some people would want to succeed no matter the cost. Angel number 144 is reminding you that there are values which we should hold on to.” *You can see more about the frequency of 144 here and here.
In the garden, as on the blog, context is everything. The very same “beneficial” plant in one setting could become toxic and invasive in another setting. Tansy attracts all the right bugs, but left to set seed, it can completely overtake your garden, as well as your neighbors’ yards. If you plant it, know what you’re dealing with, and keep those seeds in check. If you don’t want to be careful, then don’t plant tansy.
Black walnut trees provide excellent walnuts, but the juglone they exude happens to poison most surrounding plants, even for years after cutting them down. Do black walnut trees have zero value? Should they be avoided at all costs? That depends on what you’re trying to grow around them. If you love black walnuts for their calories, heart healthy fats, and taste, then maybe you want to plant black walnut trees. Maybe you want to create an entire guild of black walnut trees and compatible plants, because you love what those plants offer. No problem there — unless you want to grow juglone intolerant plants around their drip line or roots. If you want a regular garden, then don’t plant black walnuts. If you have black walnuts around, you will need to know how to protect your soil and plants from juglone contamination. Context makes a difference in what and how you decide to plant.
Japanese knotweed is the bane of ecosystems, a highly, highly invasive species that out competes native species and can ruin yards, parks and gardens. Would I ever plant it? Nope. Does it have value as a foraged plant? You betcha. Japanese knotweed happens to grow extremely well in Lyme-endemic areas like Wisconsin, and guess what? The exceptionally high resveratrol content in Japanese knotweed just happens to be an effective alternative treatment for Lyme Disease. It also makes delicious rhubarb-like deserts, and tastes amazing as a pickle. Is Japanese knotweed evil? Should it be sprayed with increasingly strong toxic chemicals? Or could it provide an enormous amount of free food and medicine for restaurants, wild food foragers and people needing to strengthen their immune systems?
Please take any article or video I post within context of the post. Just because I post an informative video or article that speaks to the topic at hand does not mean I fully endorse the person or their work in any and all contexts. It means I found value in what they shared related to the information at hand. I write so many posts about discernment in order to help individual readers increase their own process of discernment. My posting something does not absolve you of your own responsibility for discerning in your own life and its own unique contexts. Like an artist, as a blog writer, I feel into what feels important to express, and I pick and choose colors, words, images, articles and/or videos that help to make that expression more available.
I do the same thing in the garden with plant selection. I would not and do not knowingly plant invasive species, but if something is already there, and it provides exactly what I’ve been looking for, I will find a use for it until I find a way to eradicate it, if I find it’s posing an active risk. Context makes a difference with plants and with people. Some narcissists and sociopaths do incredible work. I’ve actually found that these types of people vie with one another for control, and so often they provide extremely useful tools for seeing through other narcissists and sociopaths. That doesn’t mean I want to watch every video they’ve ever done, want them as a friend, or endorse all their work. Unless I specifically say that I endorse someone or that this person is a friend of mine, then I am not blanket endorsing them. As an artist, I have merely decided that this particular color works well here. As a gardener, I’ve decided that this particular plant would look good here and provide value to its neighbors. As a blogger, it means I find this particular piece valuable in this particular context.
The world is not black or white. It has a whole lot of grey. If you can’t decide between a and b, that’s likely due to the infinite distance and variances between a and b that you haven’t considered. Empowerment includes wading through the grey to find your own answers. If you need help with that, I’m happy to assist through articles and/or sessions; however, the decisions on how to act or what to do with information remain your own responsibility. Here’s how one reader has applied some of the material on this and other blogs. I write and garden to inspire and to create more beauty in the world. Sometimes that involves looking at big piles of compost and recognizing how everything and everyone have value. Context is key. Knowing what you desire to create in your life, how you wish to feel and how you wish to be … all of these are keys, too.
Comment bump up from Seattle72:
Gaslight is a really good movie. Gives me shivers watching it. Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman are brilliant in it. A 19 year old Angela Landsbury is in the cast as well.
In the aftermath of ending a recent relationship, I was getting bummed thinking that it seems all men are abusive narcissists in some form. Then I was whacked upside the head with the realization it only seems that way because I keep trying to master my trauma to rewrite history to prove I’m worth loving, by cycling through the same story, with similar players, over and over again.
I really started to buy into the idea that I must be crazy because when I was with him, things seemed so good. He dangled the carrot, and I jumped. It felt so familiar. Then, almost like clockwork, within 36 hours of spending time together, I would awaken from that spell and start questioning him, holding him accountable. I was no longer adoring and instead started calling him out on his crap, which included gaslighting, lies, evasion, etc. You can guess which side of me he labeled as crazy and unstable…
I started to believe it too, that my adoring, fawning, butt-kissing, suck-up side was the sane side… Why couldn’t I just be nice all the time? I was so lucky to have him, if I keep this up I will lose him! 😝 He encouraged that fawning part of me (which really is a coping persona borne from childhood abuse, a component of Complex PTSD, its the fourth ‘F’ in the fight, freeze, flight, fawn quartet). What an incredibly sick form of conditioning, what an incredibly unhealthy relationship.
I think one of the gifts of this experience is discovering that my so-called bitchy side that stands up for myself and expects respect and accountability from others is actually a great facet to have! Its not the crazy side, or bad side as a few narcissists would have me believe. It carries much of my will and aligns with 3rd Chakra energies if I’m not mistaken.
Conversely, if I see myself starting to fawn and trip over my good sense and self care to please someone for the reward of their approval, that’s when I need to take a moment to assess whats really going on there, it could be a signal something is up.
I’ve had it backwards for so many years now! It’s kind of freeing to realize that the side of me I wished away for so long, the side I blamed for all my failed relationships may actually be a very important part of my core being.
I’m looking forward to exploring this flip in perspectives.
Here are a few links pertaining to Complex PTSD that I found pretty helpful. http://outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-c-ptsd http://www.pete-walker.com/index.htm
Thank you, as always, for creating this space to share.
😸
Laura again: thank you, Seattle72! Sounds like you’re reclaiming parts of yourself and embracing Shadow … more keys to being happy, healthy and whole. Many blessings to you and all!
Today’s topic has been trending in sessions for the past several months, but it’s reached a crescendo in recent weeks, both in sessions and in the collective. Specifically, as veils continue to thin or evaporate, people begin to catch glimpses of abuse, covert narcissism, sociopathy, or even just wonder:
Why aren’t I happy when everything in my life seems ‘perfect’?
Why am I so confused?
Why do I have no idea who I am or what I want?
Why do I suck at manifestation even though I’m a “lightworker”?
How can x not see through y (while z demands to know how y can’t see through x!)?
Hypothetically, if I am trapped in a relationship with someone on the narcissist or sociopath spectrum, how would I know, and how do I free myself?
How do they get away with it? (Or, alternatively, how could I not have seen this?)
If someone sounds angry and unspiritual, how could this person be right? (Or, alternatively, if someone is always full of love and light, how could this person be wrong?)
If this relationship is toxic, then why do I feel so guilty leaving it?
These questions and more have become so common in recent sessions that I realize it’s time for some additional posts on this topic, in addition to ones I’ve posted over the years.
First up: the topic of “gaslighting.” I’ve spent hours trying to find an articulate, comprehensive YouTube video, and this video from 2013 is the best one I’ve found to explain why we all need to increase our awareness of what gaslighting is and how to inoculate ourselves from its effects. James Corbett and Thomas Sheridan do an excellent job describing the history of this term, as well as the ways it affects individuals and our society, causing people to doubt their own sense of reality and remain victims:
Extra credit viewing: links to and clips from the original movie, “Gaslight.”
As James and Thomas explain, this concept of gaslighting — manipulating circumstances to make someone doubt his or her version of reality or believe s/he’s crazy — accounts for so much confusion in our society, as well as in individual lives. It’s pervasive, and learning to recognize this tactic will help in discerning how to deal with increased revelations on both personal and collective levels.
This next video discusses how to recognize and deal with a “covert narcissist,” someone who does not fit the typical idea of a bombastic, brash, arrogant, angry jerk, but rather more like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. These patterns are so prevalent in our society, especially among “paragons” of helping professions, spiritual and religious groups, community leaders and those people who seem like saints to everyone but the people closest to them. If you’ve ever been involved in one of these relationships, you know how devastating it feels when no one believes your cries for help. You also might wonder how the heck do I prevent this from going any further? Ross Rosenberg explains the dynamic, along with examples:
“Ross Rosenberg, author and codependency expert, discusses a technique he developed that empowers and assists recovering codependents with their struggles with their narcissistic loved ones. This is a revolutionary technique that will help anyone disconnect from an emotionally manipulative person’s (an addict or pathological narcissist) attempts to bring them into their world of chaos and drama. As George Bernard Show once said, ‘I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty,and besides, the pig likes it.’ This video will help the recovering codependent to not ‘wrestle’ with their manipulative narcissist. Ross is the author of the Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us, which can be purchased at http://www.HumanMagnetSyndrome.com”
The following video by Ross Rosenberg reveals the importance of not tipping your hand when you flee the clutches of a narcissist. These people thrive on conflict and dragging people into the fight. You can unmask them and help others to free themselves, but you do need an exit strategy:
If you suspect you might have experienced narcissistic abuse and/or gaslighting in your personal life (not just in the media or broader culture), you might also find the next two videos helpful. They are a bit repetitive, but when breaking free of mind control, repetition provides a counter-voice to the one narcissists and sociopaths help you internalize:
I will leave you with Lisa A. Romano’s personal example of the “Nice Narcissist” in her own life and just how these insidious behaviors sneak past intuitive nudges, gut instincts, and red flags:
Please note: I am not diagnosing or prescribing anyone or anything here — just sharing information to help people begin to clear the fog. I will likely continue to post on this topic, as energies and revelations are all over the place right now. Big hugs, discernment, courage, confidence and blessings to you!
Whenever energies grow particularly potent, the Universe sends out another batch of “golden tickets,” à la “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” Intense desire to better one’s life summons unusual circumstances governed by “chance” or “fate,” synchronizing into the opportunity of a lifetime. As Carl Jung noted: “When an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner opposite, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposing halves.” Golden tickets can reveal truly golden characters, or they can arrange for circumstances to destroy lives as a result of rotten characters made visible.
This past month, and especially the last couple weeks, offered golden tickets galore to both private individuals and those on very public stages. I’ve seen this with clients, friends, former clients and others I’ve helped in secret behind the scenes, but even cursory glances at headlines reveal opportunities for more famous people to make a clean, definitive break with “the way things were” and truly embrace new realities, relief, and freedom. Golden tickets do not erase the past; however, they do bring with them “enough rope to save yourself or hang yourself.” In fact, golden tickets push inner indecision to the forefront, forcing people to take some kind of decisive action with that rope.
As with characters in any good story, we each hold within us both light and shadow, along with the potential for both courage and cowardice. Some people’s Shadows are darker and murkier than others, and some people’s courage hides itself more thoroughly than others. When a golden ticket arrives, even people with very dark Shadows and self sabotage programs who never managed to summon enough courage to break away from old patterns before — these people in possession of a shiny golden ticket suddenly find themselves with a chocolate factory full of highly visible opportunities to demonstrate their character.
Of course, we hope that everyone will be a Charlie Bucket, but we find plenty of Violet Beauregarde’s and Veruca Salts. Sometimes, we find a real Arthur Slugsworth. More often, we find people for whom we really do want to root, but we’re just not sure what they’ll do with this golden ticket. Such people might even have a great deal of charisma and somehow manage to beat the odds and summon multiple golden tickets throughout their lives, but maybe we’ve already seen them squander two golden tickets. Maybe we sense the ticket they now hold has attached itself to a more decisive rope. Will they save themselves or hang themselves? Will they win the chocolate factory or definitively reveal themselves as bad eggs or cowards?
Golden tickets force the truth forward in the form of enough rope. Unless we engage in vindictive Shadenfreude, we generally hope people use that rope to save themselves, envisioning how they could then use that same rope to inspire and lend a helping tug to others. But what happens when they don’t? What happens when someone’s responses to his or her golden ticket reveal the worst and weakest, rather than the best of inner character? What happens when someone with a golden ticket doubles down on that response?
In a golden ticket situation, the differences between someone we know and/or love saving themselves and hanging themselves become so apparent as to shine light in even the deepest corners of cognitive dissonance, hopium and our desire to believe that anyone can change. Depending on our relationship with the person squandering the golden ticket, we reach our own decisive point of trying to shake some sense into the person, walking away, and/or removing our entanglements and any enabling behaviors. Turning our backs on someone who has squandered a golden ticket can feel like a lonely, disillusioned, and sorrowful time, but it also offers a vicarious opportunity to make a decisive change in our own lives.
As revelations, extreme life challenges and health crises often summon golden tickets, we will continue to witness (and sometimes even experience) the corresponding length of rope. As individuals, and as a society. Western culture is itself in an extensive golden ticket moment. What will we, as participants, decide to do with our opportunity? What will we, as individuals, choose to do in our own lives to honor courage and truth? Not pseudo-courage that hides behind ideologies or other people … and not slippery truth whose words promise all manner of contradictory things in an effort to pass the rope.
As I’ve mentioned before, I find fiction a useful medium for exploring consciousness and a variety of what if’s. I’ve recommended Starhawk’s novels as both prophetic and highly useful tools for navigating our now, but many novels or films with well developed characters can help us gain clarity on the miasma of light and shadow, courage and cowardice, truth and lies. Some interesting viewing for our times includes: “The Big Short,” “Revolutionary Road,” and on a more mythological level, “The Neverending Story,” as well as Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy. This is our story, too. How we respond matters. As in, creates matter. Form. Reality.
People struggling with suspected narccisistic abuse might want to check out M. Scott Peck’s classic, “People of the Lie,” along with the resources on http://narcissismfree.com. Those who suspect they might be dealing with someone exhibiting borderline personality disorder might also appreciate Mason and Kreger’s book, “Stop Walking on Eggshells.” Those who just want to make sure they don’t squander their own golden ticket might want to read T. Thorn Coyle’s “Make Magic of Your Life.” Trust your gut on this one. The heart and mind get all sorts of entanglements, but your body knows when you need to remove yourself from a situation or person.
These are not easy times, but remember, “Whenever energies grow particularly potent, the Universe sends out another batch of ‘golden tickets,’ à la ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.'” Huge potentials exist for those who step into courage, love and boundless imagination:
Willy Wonka: Oh, And Charlie? Do not forget about the guy who got everything he wanted!
