Help for Empaths: Navigating the Should’s

This topic arises so often in sessions that I feel led to address it here, too. Many times, life tugs in different directions. Empaths, especially, sense how our own decisions affect the people we know and love. To some extent, this is a good thing. A person who lacks any empathy is also known as a narcissist or sociopath, so yes, we do need awareness of how our behavior and attitudes affect other people.

However …

Empaths feel the emotions, attitudes, energy and thoughts of other people to a sometimes debilitating degree. Even the thought of hurting someone else hurts us. Without protection, we feel the disappointment, judgment, illness or whatever other pain of someone else within ourselves. When lived unconsciously, empathic “gifts” feel awful. Mysterious body aches, overwhelming sadness, anxiety, general confusion or lack of desire: I always advise empaths to ask, “Is this mine?” Because many times, it’s not. Good energy hygiene aides discernment.

I call this the Energy Brush Off, but it’s also a Japanese technique called Kenyoku or “dry bathing.” Bring your right hand to your left shoulder and then sweep down your arm, past your fingertips. Repeat on the other side, left hand to right shoulder, sweep down past your fingertips. Alternate sides three times, then flick your fingers like you washed your hands and can’t find a towel.

Repeat morning and night, like you brush your teeth. You can also do the Energy Brush Off anytime you felt good until you interacted with someone or something then suddenly felt tired, angry, sad, oppressed or “not as good as you did before.” Sudden shifts in health, emotions or energy levels often indicate some kind of empathic exchange. Brush that energy off before it settles in and becomes “yours.” It won’t really be all yours, but it becomes much more difficult to sense your own emotions, desires, attitudes, hopes and dreams when you embody those of everyone around you.

Good energy hygiene offers a regular reset to your own energy field. The more often you return to yourself, the more you recognize your own energy, including your own longings and desires.

Comment Bump Up and Response

Today’s post comes from a comment left on Friday’s re-blog of “Crossing our own boundaries: consent in the wake of ‘me too.'” I decided to turn the comment and reply into its own post, because this past weekend brought a wave of urgent requests from people for help freeing themselves from relationships with suspected and/or professionally diagnosed cluster-B personality disordered people, energy vampires, and/or black magic. These topics run close to the side issues in “Crossing our own boundaries,” as similar encounters early in life tend to prime someone for these kinds of relationships later in life.

This happens especially often to Empaths, and learning to discern patterns and reclaim sovereignty forms some of the most important healing we will ever do — as individuals and for our broken society. In the biggest picture, yes, All is Love, but at the level of PTSD in body, emotions, mind, soul and spirit, things can take longer to untangle and heal. Here’s the comment, followed by my response:

7 Sneaky Things Narcissists Say to Get You Back

This video seems very important to post right now — perhaps for some individual readers, but also in this time of increased revelations. Our world is run by narcissists, on both sides of the political aisle, in many religions, cults, and high positions of power. This video speaks to people involved in a romantic relationship with a narcissist; however, it offers insights into more public displays of people getting caught in various situations.

I especially agree with the “projection” and “hoovering” information. I hear from so many people who, often unbeknownst to themselves, are involved with people on the narcissist, sociopath or even psychopath spectrum. The lines they’re fed are so eerily similar that it’s almost like listening to a script whenever someone describes this type of relationship. In the interests of supporting those people beginning to feels cracks in their denial and little flickers of clarity and courage, I present this video for your consideration.

No comment on specific political or religious affairs, other than to say: narcissism is rampant, especially in the less obvious players who seem to have all the right words and excuses. As a society in evolution, we have a chance to move beyond this entire paradigm. Let’s use it!

 

Clearing Fog: Higher Discernment and Effective Tools to Free Yourself from Confusion, Narcissists and Sociopaths

Today’s topic has been trending in sessions for the past several months, but it’s reached a crescendo in recent weeks, both in sessions and in the collective. Specifically, as veils continue to thin or evaporate, people begin to catch glimpses of abuse, covert narcissism, sociopathy, or even just wonder:

Why aren’t I happy when everything in my life seems ‘perfect’?

Why am I so confused?

Why do I have no idea who I am or what I want?

Why do I suck at manifestation even though I’m a “lightworker”?

How can x not see through y (while z demands to know how y can’t see through x!)?

Hypothetically, if I am trapped in a relationship with someone on the narcissist or sociopath spectrum, how would I know, and how do I free myself?

How do they get away with it? (Or, alternatively, how could I not have seen this?)

If someone sounds angry and unspiritual, how could this person be right? (Or, alternatively, if someone is always full of love and light, how could this person be wrong?)

If this relationship is toxic, then why do I feel so guilty leaving it?

These questions and more have become so common in recent sessions that I realize it’s time for some additional posts on this topic, in addition to ones I’ve posted over the years.

First up: the topic of “gaslighting.” I’ve spent hours trying to find an articulate, comprehensive YouTube video, and this video from 2013 is the best one I’ve found to explain why we all need to increase our awareness of what gaslighting is and how to inoculate ourselves from its effects. James Corbett and Thomas Sheridan do an excellent job describing the history of this term, as well as the ways it affects individuals and our society, causing people to doubt their own sense of reality and remain victims:

Extra credit viewing: links to and clips from the original movie, “Gaslight.”

As James and Thomas explain, this concept of gaslighting — manipulating circumstances to make someone doubt his or her version of reality or believe s/he’s crazy — accounts for so much confusion in our society, as well as in individual lives. It’s pervasive, and learning to recognize this tactic will help in discerning how to deal with increased revelations on both personal and collective levels.

This next video discusses how to recognize and deal with a “covert narcissist,” someone who does not fit the typical idea of a bombastic, brash, arrogant, angry jerk, but rather more like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. These patterns are so prevalent in our society, especially among “paragons” of helping professions, spiritual and religious groups, community leaders and those people who seem like saints to everyone but the people closest to them. If you’ve ever been involved in one of these relationships, you know how devastating it feels when no one believes your cries for help. You also might wonder how the heck do I prevent this from going any further? Ross Rosenberg explains the dynamic, along with examples:

“Ross Rosenberg, author and codependency expert, discusses a technique he developed that empowers and assists recovering codependents with their struggles with their narcissistic loved ones. This is a revolutionary technique that will help anyone disconnect from an emotionally manipulative person’s (an addict or pathological narcissist) attempts to bring them into their world of chaos and drama. As George Bernard Show once said, ‘I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty,and besides, the pig likes it.’ This video will help the recovering codependent to not ‘wrestle’ with their manipulative narcissist. Ross is the author of the Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us, which can be purchased at http://www.HumanMagnetSyndrome.com”

The following video by Ross Rosenberg reveals the importance of not tipping your hand when you flee the clutches of a narcissist. These people thrive on conflict and dragging people into the fight. You can unmask them and help others to free themselves, but you do need an exit strategy:

If you suspect you might have experienced narcissistic abuse and/or gaslighting in your personal life (not just in the media or broader culture), you might also find the next two videos helpful. They are a bit repetitive, but when breaking free of mind control, repetition provides a counter-voice to the one narcissists and sociopaths help you internalize:

I will leave you with Lisa A. Romano’s personal example of the “Nice Narcissist” in her own life and just how these insidious behaviors sneak past intuitive nudges, gut instincts, and red flags:

Please note: I am not diagnosing or prescribing anyone or anything here — just sharing information to help people begin to clear the fog. I will likely continue to post on this topic, as energies and revelations are all over the place right now. Big hugs, discernment, courage, confidence and blessings to you!

Five Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head

This is another excellent resource for anyone who suspects or knows they’re entangled in a sticky narcissistic web. Thanks to Shahida Arabi for this valuable post, and thanks to Jamie at Sophia’s Children for bringing it to my attention.

In terms of Triangulation, it gets realllly interesting when you find yourself in the middle of two narcissists working their own, mutually exclusive agendas. The agendas may share nothing in common on the surface, but they nevertheless leave you feeling confused and disempowered. Hmmmm!

That’s what most people (unbeknownst to them) experience on the world stage, too, with “opposing” political party leaders, warring agendas and all too convenient “solutions.” These Five Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head are powerful and confusing enough when they come at you from a single narcissist, but they get even more (un)Fun House mirrored when multiple relationships snag you coming, going and spinning.

Gaining clarity is difficult but necessary, and going inside yourself or –especially — outside in Nature helps to remind you who you are and what feels natural, healing and real. I’m sending everyone healing and love as we unwind the ties that bind — replacing them with a *natural* ebb and flow.

Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

In popular culture, the term “narcissistic” is thrown about quite loosely, usually referring to vanity and self-absorption. This reduces narcissism to a common quality that everyone possesses and downplays the symptoms demonstrated by people with the actual disorder. While narcissism does exist on a spectrum, narcissism as a full-fledged personality disorder is quite different.

People who meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder or those who have traits of Antisocial Personality Disorder  can operate in extremely manipulative ways within the context of intimate relationships due to their deceitfulness, lack of empathy and their tendency to be interpersonally exploitative. Although I will be focusing on narcissistic abusers in this post, due to the overlap of symptoms in these two disorders, this post can potentially apply to interactions with those who have ASPD to an extent.

It’s important in any kind of relationship that we learn to identify the red flags when interacting with people who display malignant narcissism and/or…

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Excellent Narcissism Resources

Here are three excellent narcissism resources for anyone personally involved in oppressive, dehumanizing, soul-sucking relationships. If you don’t think you have this in your personal life, please consider watching the videos anyway, as our world is currently being destroyed because of societal norms that value and follow “leaders” who are really narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. From a collective standpoint, we need to recognize the signs and know how to extract ourselves from these situations. In a world of extreme change, let’s become wise enough not to fall for the “new boss, same as the old boss.”

“Don’t Get Fooled Again” Red Flags of Narcissistic Relationships:

From YouTube description:

1. do you frequently find their comms confusing/artfuly vague or deceptive?

2. too good to be true

3. multiple mask changing

4. fantasy of self

5. reframing/gaslighting

6. too deep too soon (whirlwind romance)

7.hypercrtical of others

8. lack of respect for boundaries, treating people with contempt

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”—Malcolm S. Forbes.

9. Never wrong, never say sorry

10. total lack of empathy

Step 1: check if you were emotionally abused and/or unconsciously modelled an abusive relationship template

Step 2: check for people pleaser syndrome/ the belief that “love is drama”

Step 3: LEARN THE RED FLAGS

Step 4. Decide and Commit

Step 5: Take Consistent Action/ Get Coaching

http://www.spartanlifecoach.com

How to Leave a Narcissist:

*** This one is so valuable, because it walks you through the different stages of leaving a narcissist. Highly important in helping you to recognize where you are in the process:

Sociopath or Narcissist –Who Cares? Get Out!

(This one really gets to the issue of giving narcissists the benefit of the doubt, and moving beyond that to standing up.)

Global and Personal Ho’oponopono

I’ve been working on The Forgiveness Experiment since early November 2011. Seeking global debt forgiveness and attempting to find relief and freedom from the deeply embedded narcissist structures of our culture, I began looking towards a “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors” solution.

I’ve experienced some success with the experiment; however, I keep getting stuck on that whole “turn the other cheek” thing. It appears that the majorly destructive characters of our world have thrived on the masses and individuals looking away from systemic corruption and continuing to present themselves for yet another slap in the face. How many more quasi-secret bank bailouts will American taxpayers subsidize? Do those little wrist slaps of pennies on the dollar fines provide any incentive at all to change? And what about those individuals who continue to prey off unsuspecting Lightworkers and people with good hearts but poor discernment? Does turning the other cheek do anything at all to curb those abuses?

I’ve spent over six months doing my own intensive Shadow Work, as well as facilitating that for others through Past Life Readings and Shadow Work Tarot sessions. My inner world and that of my clients has definitely shifted, and our outer world does seem to be bringing greater accountability to parasites, war criminals and pathological narcissists. As within, so without. When we heal our own Shadow Side, we don’t need external reminders to look at it.

Still, I look at the world, and it’s clear we haven’t moved fully beyond the old paradigm. Those we would remove from our lives have a funny way of fighting to remain, even if they don’t actually like us. David reminded me yesterday of a book called, “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me,” which deals with Borderline Personality Disorder, but the title strikes me as apt for our times. The NWO control freaks in our midst — the ones plotting massive depopulation schemes — are terrified that we’ll all start singing “I Will Survive”:

“At first, I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking, how you did me wrong
And I grew strong and I learned how to get along
…

“Go on now, go, walk out the door, just turn around now,
Cause you’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with Goodbye?
Did you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die?”

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned by a narcissist, although the wrath and outrage felt by 99% humanity realizing how long and how far they’ve been abused may come close. Psychologists speculate that Adolf Hitler may have suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder. Many dictators and “corporate persons” are narcissists. So many of the rulers and “leaders” of our world present varying degrees of sociopathic and psychopathic behavior patterns — with globally destructive effects. David B. Schwartz’s The Rise of the Second String Psychopaths explores the psychological sickness of American political puppeteers and their enablers, but this article could easily describe the world at large. Whether global or personal, those impacted by first or second-string psychopaths often spend years, decades or even lifetimes reeling from the results.

But who the heck wants to deal with this stuff anymore? Around the world, the cheek turners have begun to stare fear and abuse right back in the face. In return, the psychopaths who would like to remain in control have stocked up on ammo, drones, and nuclear weapons to use against “the useless eaters.” I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me!!! On the personal level, as Lightworkers have begun to take back their power, the energy vampires have grown more desperate for a fix. Lightworkers and Light Warriors have grown stronger, with brighter light and massive influxes of positive energy, but those people so out of touch with their own inner Light feel darker and darker. And when people feel disconnected from Source — un-enlightened — and desperate, they often lash out even more, which leads to more need to forgive.

Railing against these people or institutions, unfortunately, locks them into our vibration. We really can’t move on, individually or collectively, if we continue to feel stuck to old resentments. On the other hand, we don’t want to lie back and take it anymore. Besides, lying back and taking it, turning the other cheek … those old ways haven’t exactly worked. I talk a lot about “being the change” we wish to see. Ghandi had it right. I would love nothing more than for all the crazies running our world to come clean, beg for forgiveness and enter some kind of ongoing soul rehabilitation center. I would love to hear sincere apologies from those people whose actions still leave me shaking my head going, “Really?! Seriously, how do you live with yourself? How can you just keep repeating these exact same behaviors when you’ve been told and shown repeatedly what kind of damage you leave in your wake? Wouldn’t it feel better to come clean?”

A few weeks ago, I applied the Ghandi idea of becoming the change I wish to see in the world and started asking for forgiveness from those people I’ve been trying to forgive. I don’t contact them directly,but I started doing the ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness called Ho’oponopono, directing these words towards those I would like to forgive:

“I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.”

A few rounds of that launch me deeper into my heart than I have ever comfortably remained — even though I do spend a lot of time in my heart. The words become a mantra and carry their own vibration, which seems to heal the angry spots inside. They also help to recognize even more of those Shadow Sides in which we have tangoed with the “Other” and hurt them and ourselves. In recognizing our own role in the victim/abuser/savior dance, we reclaim both our energy and our power. Those sticky relationships no longer tear at our inner peace like Velcro.

This practice has yielded such deep results in all my personal relationships that I started practicing it with leaders of our world. I also started practicing Ho’oponopono as an American, sincerely asking for global forgiveness of our massive karmic debt to humanity. Turning the other cheek to our leaders’ decisions to bomb, raid, torture and decimate doesn’t absolve us of all responsibility. At least, not in my world. I feel deep love for humanity and a true hope that we can move beyond all wars to live in peace and harmony on this planet. Speaking of this planet, I also started practicing Ho’oponopono as a citizen of Earth, sending heartfelt words to Gaia for all the ways we have refused to honor and protect her:

“I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.”

After practicing with Earth, I added the rest of the Universe, the Galactics, the faery realm, angelic realm, the animals and the plants. And then I added myself, perhaps the being I have most betrayed and injured in this lifetime and so many others. Try saying Ho’oponopono to yourself! It makes me cry every single time. Big teary eyes and an even softer heart:

“I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.”

There’s nothing quite like Ho’oponopono to move us so deeply into our hearts that we expand beyond any need to feel self righteous or stuck in someone else’s frames. We can create a new world, moment-by-moment and breath-by-breath. Personally, I dream of a new world filled with Love. Unconditional Love heals all.

I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.

New Moon in Aquarius and Mars Retrograde: Releasing Anger and Energy Vampires

As part of my ongoing Forgiveness Experiment, I discovered a hot technique the other night for rechanneling the negative emotions associated with psychic vampires, narcissists, and other people who’ve flagrantly betrayed our trust and boundaries. With Pluto in Capricorn, all sorts of hidden truths have begun to reveal themselves both individually and collectively. All the deepest, darkest secrets and abuses will continue to shock and bother us as this combination of planetary energies forces the Shadows into the Light. It’s time. Carl Jung reminds us, “That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our lives as fate.” Moving through the Shadow frees us to embrace a brighter world.

In addition to Pluto in Capricorn, some other astrological energies support finding productive ways to engage and then release our anger. We’ve got the Chinese New Year on the 23rd: Year of the Water Dragon! We’ve also got a New Moon tonight in Aquarius and beginning tomorrow, Mars Retrograde in Virgo. Thanks to Tania Marie for bringing “Let the Dragon Roar” to my attention: “Welcome to Mars turning retrograde in nitpicky Virgo! The warrior planet will be retracing its steps from Jan. 23 to April 13, and continues to energize this earthy sign until July 3. Altogether, it will spend almost eight months in Virgo, helping us channel our anger and frustration, get organized, heal ancient wounds, and find constructive ways to right personal, corporate and planetary wrongs.”

Two nights ago, I tapped into Pluto for assistance in releasing resentment. I said, “Hey, Pluto, you’re the Lord of the Underworld and the phoenix rising from its ashes. I want you to help me burn through all these emotions related to ____ and help me use them as fuel for transformation. It will save me from having to sort through them at all. I’ve determined this was a toxic relationship and whatever good I got from it was mostly due to my own determination to find the gold. Now I really want to find the gold — as in Alchemy. Rather than digging around in the muckety muck of old memories, trying to sort through the good, the bad, the ugly, the guilty, the nostalgic and especially the very, very confusing, I’m just opting to burn them all. Positive and negative emotions are powerful energy. If I burn through positive emotions, I still receive their benefit. I don’t need to worry about ‘wasting good memories’ if I’m using them for fuel. And the bad memories I can use for fuel as well. I’m tired of giving away my energy to these emotions, and I’m really tired of the emotional cords that allow ____ to continue surfing off my energy. I want my energy back. I want my life to return to the here and now. I don’t need those memories, Pluto. I need and invoke total transformation. Torch ’em!”

I went to bed angry and churning over memories that have haunted me like so many tantalizing ghosts, even when the rest of life feels magically alive. No matter what I did, some memories continued to repeat at the least convenient or appropriate times — until I tried this technique as I drifted off to sleep. It’s so weird, but I can no longer access memories of many things that were formerly on constant replay. They’re just … gone … as though I burned through actual photographs in my mind. I feel energized instead of burned out. It’s working for me. I hope you find it helpful, too!

I recently found this Michael Tsarion video/radio interview, “Psychic Vampirism, Destructive Man vs Creative Man.” I think he gives one of the best explanations of the phenomenon and ways we can choose to move through it. He’s careful to distinguish between using the idea as a means of avoiding our own responsibility and the actual situation of people who purposely prey upon other people’s Light. I very much appreciate his recommendation to have fun with our process of freeing ourselves. Evolution need not be a constant drag. It need not make us feel like victims. If you’ve wondered about Energy Vampires, narcissists or Psychic Vampirism, this interview informs and inspires. It’s long, but worth the listen!