Help for Empaths: Navigating the Should’s

This topic arises so often in sessions that I feel led to address it here, too. Many times, life tugs in different directions. Empaths, especially, sense how our own decisions affect the people we know and love. To some extent, this is a good thing. A person who lacks any empathy is also known as a narcissist or sociopath, so yes, we do need awareness of how our behavior and attitudes affect other people.

However …

Empaths feel the emotions, attitudes, energy and thoughts of other people to a sometimes debilitating degree. Even the thought of hurting someone else hurts us. Without protection, we feel the disappointment, judgment, illness or whatever other pain of someone else within ourselves. When lived unconsciously, empathic “gifts” feel awful. Mysterious body aches, overwhelming sadness, anxiety, general confusion or lack of desire: I always advise empaths to ask, “Is this mine?” Because many times, it’s not. Good energy hygiene aides discernment.

I call this the Energy Brush Off, but it’s also a Japanese technique called Kenyoku or “dry bathing.” Bring your right hand to your left shoulder and then sweep down your arm, past your fingertips. Repeat on the other side, left hand to right shoulder, sweep down past your fingertips. Alternate sides three times, then flick your fingers like you washed your hands and can’t find a towel.

Repeat morning and night, like you brush your teeth. You can also do the Energy Brush Off anytime you felt good until you interacted with someone or something then suddenly felt tired, angry, sad, oppressed or “not as good as you did before.” Sudden shifts in health, emotions or energy levels often indicate some kind of empathic exchange. Brush that energy off before it settles in and becomes “yours.” It won’t really be all yours, but it becomes much more difficult to sense your own emotions, desires, attitudes, hopes and dreams when you embody those of everyone around you.

Good energy hygiene offers a regular reset to your own energy field. The more often you return to yourself, the more you recognize your own energy, including your own longings and desires.

December 2018 Special and Gift Certificates

As always, I offer the monthly specials based on my sense of what will most support the coming energies and needs.

December’s family and work gatherings present special challenges for empaths. In addition to all the planetary, cosmic and political energies tipping empathic effects way beyond the usual scale, sensitive people attuned to Mother Earth often feel fires, earthquakes and floods in their own bodies and emotions. Add to this empathing the experiences of so many people who’ve lost their homes or witnessed traumas, and empaths are being asked to find a new balance between compassion and self-care, between “we are all one” and nurturing and protecting our own energy body.

My heart goes out to all of those facing inner and outer challenges this holiday season. Through the “oxygen mask principle,” I hope that directly supporting empaths will allow greater love, energy and peace to radiate in strong waves across our world. Peace in, peace out.

DECEMBER 2018 SPECIAL and GIFT CERTIFICATES:

Energy Protection for Empaths

This 20-minute offering shares tips and techniques specifically tailored to your own energy field and the challenges you face as a “Sensitive” or “Empath” — someone who deeply feels the emotions and energies of others, including the larger collective energies and emotions. Empaths have intuitive, psychic, and healing gifts that can feel more like a curse when faced with discord, negative or disharmonious frequencies like EMF’s, groupthink, or emotional overwhelm.

As someone whose already very thin veil practically disappeared with a 1998 brain injury, I have learned through trial and error, extensive research and over 17 years as a professional Medical Intuitive, how to protect the energy field so that those “gifts” actually live up to their potential. These tips and techniques don’t mean you stop feeling the energies; however, they allow you to recognize more clearly when something’s “yours” and when it’s not. They also help you much more quickly return to peace, soul sovereignty, joy, and allow you to exercise much greater healing influence in your life and in our world.

$77 for the 20 minutes if prepaid on or before 12/31/2018. This session can also be doubled for a 40-minute session at $154. For more information or to sign up, please contact me here.

Gift Certificates:

Each year, people ask if they can gift a session to a loved one. I like to offer a discount to honor the love and care behind this gift. Certificates purchased in 2018 will remain valid through December 31, 2019. Since people always ask me this: no, you may not purchase a gift certificate for yourself. You can, however, request someone else get you a gift certificate. 😉 When you contact me to order a gift certificate, please let me now the name of the person you’re gifting, as well as any details you’d like me to include on the certificate. I’ll create and email you a personalized PDF, which you can email or print out for your loved one.

2018 gift certificates cover any of my services at $99/half hour instead of the usual rate of $133/half hour. 

Farewell, Sweet Friend!

It’s funny, but of all the the beings, plants, trees, furniture, and decorations we’re leaving behind, I will miss her most. This sweet faery has been with me since 2004 or 2005. She used to have a crystal ball, which almost immediately broke so that she could have a flower full of stones to hold. I don’t even know how many times she’s moved with me — I think 13 moves, including across the country in 2010.

I don’t know her name even after all this time, but she houses an actual faery. Others have seen her essence, too, including

In Case You Wondered … Yes, the Energies Have Been Intense!

I keep getting emails, questions in sessions, and private texts from clients, friends and family asking me what the heck is up with the recent energies. Yes, they have been VERY intense! Some people have been using these energies as rocket fuel for positive changes. Others have felt overwhelmed by sudden health crises, major relationship flare-ups, mandatory evacuations, and “out of the blue” switcheroo’s.

I personally am doing very well, with lots of super synchronous opportunities appearing and requiring openness and readiness for change. I know many people have had their worlds rocked in the past two weeks, though, because I’ve heard about it in sessions. I coach a number of therapists, and they also noted a major uptick in crises, emotional outbursts and addictive relapses, especially since Easter. It feels like a big cleanse, in which the old gunk temporarily recirculates before its full release. It also feels like a time to go inward, and many people feel they simply cannot maintain the external obligations of a previous status quo.

Although my own life is going well, I had not one, but two, family emergencies last week, plus an onslaught of panicked correspondence from various people. To summarize, we’ve got four planets in Retrograde right now, including Mercury. You can find ways of dealing with Merc Rx by clicking here. Since April 9, Saturn, the cosmic task master, is moving Retrograde at the Galactic Center until August 25th, and we’ve got all manner of collective machinations ranging from civil unrest to World War 3. If you’re at all empathic or even the slightest bit conscious, such things exert influence on your life. The trick is to observe, consider (or reconsider) your options, and then commit (or recommit) to whatever makes your soul sing.

It really can be that simple. What step, right now, feels right in your gut? What brings surprising relief whenever you consider it? What choice, right now, supports those deep inner longings and desires that never seem to go away? What action, right now, aligns you with your path? With all these planets Rx, keep in mind that the next step might be a step backwards — a time to clean up, clear out, or review. If you cannot pass Go without taking this step, then stop resisting it. Use these strong Rx energies to focus on what demands attention before moving forward.

When choppy waves appear, we can drown or learn to ride them. We can throw ourselves to the sharks, or find our balance and glide with exhilaration. This is not a time for indecision; it’s a time for extreme presence, moment by moment. If you can’t make out the bigger picture, that’s fine. Just get clear on how you’d like to feel and then make micro-adjustments throughout the day to edge you closer to that feeling.

If you’d like extra support, please don’t hesitate to request a session. Big waves=big potential for lasting change.

Surf’s up, Lovey’s! Hang ten.

Book Review: Starhawk’s “The Fifth Sacred Thing”

A local friend suggested I read “The Fifth Sacred Thing,” so that some of us could form a book discussion group about the ideas and vision of this novel. Although it took me awhile to get into the characters, I quickly saw why my friend has read this book three times and counting. It’s filled with permaculture principles, magick, natural healing, and the tension between totalitarian dystopia and a power-from-within ecotopia based upon respect, not control.

I found Starhawk’s text incredibly prophetic, even when I thought it was written in 2005. My admiration tripled when I noticed a publication date of 1993! In 2013, as we face nuclear and toxic poisoning of the Pacific Ocean, a no longer hidden Police State, genetic manipulation, a transhumanist agenda, biological warfare, and increasingly intense weather events –both natural and human-aggravated — the setting of this novel in 2048 feels rather optimistic.

Once I managed to get a handle on the characters, I found the book difficult to put down. As the narrative continued, I realized that the initial ambiguities and confusion about gender, age and physical markers, actually contribute to and underscore the tale. As readers, we quickly find ourselves overwhelmed in and by a post-collapse world, unsure exactly which collapse triggered which events, but gradually recognizing the effects of long-term trauma and difficult life. Things the 20th and early 21st centuries took for granted have not been available for at least a generation, and the ripple effects of such deprivations reach much further than minor or anticipated inconvenience.

At the same time, we find that some things in this future society function much more harmoniously than in our current one. In the absence of cars, trucks and planes, this culture has compensated for its isolation by cultivating the individual gifts of each member of the community — art, music, healing, science, cooking, dreaming and psychic defense. Everyone gardens and participates in seasonal rituals, and the society bases itself around the premise that the Four Sacred Things (fire, water, air, earth) are so sacred that they cannot be privately owned. “May you never hunger; may you never thirst” is a phrase used in real-life pagan gatherings, but in “The Fifth Sacred Thing,” this concept forms the basis of an entire political system! No one goes hungry, and no one goes without water.

As the plot rolls on, we see just how innovative and special this city’s solutions are. Contrast via epic journeys to the Southlands shows us that — despite the obvious challenges up North in 2048 — things could be (and are) much worse elsewhere. The characters face horrific trials that force them to question not only their own morals and philosophies, but also the very essence of what it means to be human. Readers with rigid ideas about sexuality, self-defense, magick, religion, medicine, technology, and the occult will likely find themselves extremely challenged as they journey with the characters. Author Starhawk practices the Reclaiming Tradition, which combines one’s spirituality with non-violent political activism. Throughout her novel, we witness the effectiveness of non-violent resistance, as well as its limitations. The characters’ reactions and struggles force us to evaluate our own fixed ideals, hypocrisy, privilege and irresponsibility. We see on every level how each small action affects the whole of Creation, often in dramatic and unforeseen ways.

I particularly enjoyed all the manifested visualizations, herbal and energetic healing, as well as the key roles played by bees and crystals. Since I have personally made a decision to use magickal self-defense rather than violence should the SHTF, I enjoyed reading about various techniques — many of which I recognized as real, not fiction. In the acknowledgments, Starhawk confirms how thoroughly she researched this book, including Native teachings, along with actual songs, chants, techniques and rituals.

If you’ve ever wondered, “What would I do if society collapsed on multiple levels at once? Does it need to be ‘every man for himself,’ or can (must) we find ways to work together in community? Would we really be stronger together than apart? What does magick have to do with a fully functioning human, and how do I access multi-generational healing?” then “The Fifth Sacred Thing” deserves a place on your bookshelf. You will want to read it again and again, tracking your own growth as you face its challenges. If, on the other hand, you prefer to rest in the hazy halls of denial and wish to cling to the patriarchal status quo, then drop this book like a hot potato! You cannot engage “The Fifth Sacred Thing” and remain unchanged.

Reiki Natural Healing Classes Forming in Michiana

Reiki is an ancient healing method rediscovered in the 19th century by the Japanese monk Dr. Mikao Usui. The “Rei” in Reiki stands for “universal” or” spiritual,” and the “ki” corresponds to the “life force energy” known as “Chi” or “prana” in other Eastern systems of healing and energy work such as feng shui, Tai Chi, Qigong, or yoga. Thus, Reiki refers to “universal life force energy,” “divinely directed healing energy,” or “life energy of a spiritual nature,” with an emphasis on subtle energy fields rather than the physical body. By working on all the different levels, Reiki helps the body to relax into a state that allows optimal self-healing.

Reiki Certification Classes of all levels are now forming for the Michiana (Northern Indiana) area. Students will learn how to provide healing, relaxing energy treatments for themselves and others. Reiki offers a wonderful complement to massage therapy and other healing modalities, but it can also be used as natural healing support for friends and family. Each level offers full instruction and certification to offer Reiki Treatments. No prerequisites for Reiki Level 1!

As a Reiki Master Teacher, I’ve taught Reiki Certification Classes across the United States since 2002. Having recently relocated to Goshen, Indiana, I’m excited to offer Reiki classes to help individuals and groups embrace and share their own natural healing gifts. For more information, please see the Reiki section of this site.

Dates for one-day classes will be determined once enough people express interest in a particular level. Please contact me for additional details.

The Great Bell Chant (The End of Suffering)

Thanks, Gillian!

Read by Thich Nath Hanh, chanted by brother Phap Niem.

The creators of this audio track were Gary Malkin, the composer/arranger, producer, and collaborator Michael Stillwater. The work came from a CD/book called Graceful Passages: A Companion for Living and Dying, and it could be purchased by going to wisdomoftheworld.com.

Visuals taken from:
HOME, Earth and Baraka

You can download the audio here.

Protecting Your Energy Field

I’ve been getting so many questions about this topic, especially since my recent radio show where we talked about Energy Vampires. During that show I mentioned some tools to help people disconnect from unwanted interactions with people or entities draining their energy through emotional cords. I’m including a few of the tools here, so I have somewhere to refer all the people asking me about this topic.

1. Ask for cord-cutting help from Archangel Michael. He’s got a fiery sword and he’s one heckuva warrior. AA Michael can cut cords like nobody’s business, and he knows how to find those hidden ones that you might have overlooked when trying to attempt cord cutting on your own.

One caveat with AA Michael and all the angels: they absolutely will not interfere without permission. If parts of you still want those connections, then AA Michael will not sever them prematurely. In the event you feel he’s “not helping you,” it doesn’t mean he won’t or can’t; it means you’ve got some parts of you still reaching out for the connection. You won’t feel much different if AA Michael severs the cords and then you immediately send out a needy, clingy, apologetic, or addictive message to the castaway vamp: “Please come back! I didn’t mean it! Please, please come back.” Permission comes in a variety of forms. When we’re talking about energy vampirism, doesn’t it make sense that the permission could be sent energetically?

Oftentimes people do feel conflicted about energy vampires, because those folks or entities are extremely good at finding your emotional hot spots, especially areas of shame, guilt or inadequacy. These insecurities become just that: unsecured entrances into your being. The more time you spend cleared of these beings, the more you can heal. That’s why it helps to ask AA Michael for regular cord cuttings. If you feel extremely conflicted about someone, then a single cord cutting probably won’t do the job. You might feel good for awhile and then thoughts of the other person begin to invite them back into your energy field. Time for another cord cutting. Eventually, you start to feel more normal without the connection than with it, but the adjustment can take a little time.

Angels always honor your own inner process, so please don’t blame AA Michael for you still having cords! The blame game locks you back into the whole victim-abuser-savior cycle, which makes you a tasty treat for energy vampires. Taking responsibility for your own addictive reconnection requests, as well as taking a stand in favor of boundaries by asking for repeated clearings, will gradually rebuild a functional and healthy sense of personal power.

2. As an immediate follow-up to AA Michael cord cutting, you might want to ask AA Raphael (literally “God heals”) to help seal up your aura. Think of cutting the umbilical cord after a birth. It also gets tied up and monitored for healing. With your permission, AA Raphael can smooth over any auric rough patches and fill in any holes left by those emotional bonds. Yes, they really are bonds, but you can break free.

3. You can also call upon Runic energy to protect your auric field. The Thorn Rune, also called Thurisaz or Dhoarnn, brings with it the energy of a thorny hedge. Remember in Sleeping Beauty how the castle gets surrounded by thorns so thick that only the right prince can pass? No one and nothing else gets through. You can use Thurisaz as an energy filter, imagining multiples of this Rune surrounding you on all sides and dimensions, above and below.

Thurisaz, Thorn or Dhoarrn Rune

This Rune acts like Thor’s hammer, repelling and binding enemies to keep them from attacking you. Runes are tools, and please remember that a hammer can build a house or smash someone’s head in. I only recently began teaching about Runes on this blog because I sense a need for such tools as people move through the intensifying energies of 2012. I operate from more of an Aikido perspective in that I prefer not to attack anyone at all, even when attacked. Rather, I like to disengage and transmute the energy into something more preferable. That’s how I use this Rune — not as a hammer flying out to crush anyone “bad.” Instead I employ Thurisaz like the Aikido technique of “blending with the motion of the attacker and redirecting the force of the attack rather than opposing it head-on. This requires very little physical strength, as the aikidōka (aikido practitioner) ‘leads’ the attacker’s momentum using entering and turning movements.”

Please use Runes responsibly! They might look like a bunch of straight and angular lines, but they speak directly to the subconscious mind. In that sense, they create reality. Potent tools of co-creation, Runes can help you define clearer boundaries and filters, protect your energy, charge intentions and pretty much anything else you desire. The tools themselves are neutral, though. Positive, high vibe intent remains key, especially when dealing with energy vampires. If you start abusing others’ boundaries or using Runes to control people through subconscious programming, then you continue to vibrate with that victim-abuser-savior cycle. You’ll find it very difficult to escape energetic vampirism if you yourself surf off others’ energy. Like attracts like.

4. But Light also attracts dark. That old, opposites attract saying does have some truth to it. People filled with tremendous Light and Love do tend to find a lot of people and beings sucking them dry. The greater their connection to Source the less they might even notice the drain, because they constantly become so replenished.

For many millenia, the Lightworkers’ main job was to bring Light into the dark spots; however, we are entering a new time. In 2012 and beyond, Lightworkers need to model the new possibilities available to all humanity. This means acting more like a mirror than someone’s next “fix.” This means increasing one’s Light and sealing off all the drains, so that their Light continues to expand and shine brighter and brighter. Having a bunch of depleted or less than optimally radiant Lightworkers doesn’t do the job anymore, because the job has changed. Humans as a species need to step into their own inner connection to Source. By cutting off the easy secondhand supply, Lightworkers actually encourage people to tap directly into Source.

Lightworkers can still carry Light and Love into this world. In fact, they can do so much better when they continue to grow stronger and more confident in their abilities and Divine connection. I’ll leave you with the following quote for inspiration and explanation of why protecting your energy field has become one of the most important tasks for anyone wanting to make a positive difference in the world:

“You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive.
You cannot get sick enough to help sick people get better.
It is only in your thriving that you have anything to offer anyone.
If you’re wanting to be of an advantage to others,
be as tapped in, tuned in, turned on as you can possibly be.”
— Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in San Diego, CA on Saturday, February 15th, 2003 #662

Our Love,
Jerry and Esther
http://www.abraham-hicks.com

Peace!!

Medical Intuitive Diagnosis

Ahhhh, the elusive Diagnosis! That tricky non-entity that drives so many sincere seekers my way. It’s ironic, because from a medical standpoint, I am not legally allowed to provide a diagnosis or “prescribe” treatment. All I can do is read people’s energy, note “dark” or “red” spots, static, blockages, and other aberrations, and share whatever else floats into my brain — be that past lives, herbs for people to investigate, the name of a treatment provider, questions, words or phrases. Sometimes I “see movies” or feel pain; sometimes a map lights up; other times an ignored but crying for attention life path reveals itself. A Medical Intuitive Diagnosis is not the same as a Medical Diagnosis! Not by a long shot. But sometimes, that’s a very good thing indeed.

Traditional Diagnosis Dynamics

As a survivor of a Traumatic Brain Injury and the former spouse of someone with Advanced and Chronic Lyme Disease, I understand the frustration of treatment providers not knowing what to do with you. After awhile, you just get tired of shelling out lots of time, money and emotional investment only to hear yet another professional declare that you are either a) perfectly fine; b) a medical mystery; or c) unresponsive to traditional treatment. Somewhere along the way, others begin to wonder, too: “is it really possible for you to stay this ill or injured without a diagnosis?” “Maybe it really is all in your head.”

In addition to the frustration and resulting self-doubt, this state of affairs begins an unfortunate cycle of focusing all attention on “proving” the problem. Without a diagnosis (a.k.a. “acknowledgment”), the burden of proof rests on you. Suddenly, in addition to symptoms, you’re battling skeptics and possibly fighting for disability payments or insurance claims. Instead of healing, you find yourself focusing on how bad you feel, analyzing each pain or malfunction, scouring for answers, trying to explain yourself until someone, anyone “gets it.”

I call this an unfortunate cycle, because this dynamic actually promotes worse symptoms. Law of Attraction states that whatever you focus upon increases. If you focus on healing and nurturing yourself, you will begin to attract more healing and nurturing experiences. If you focus instead on proving how injured or ill you are, then you will get more of the same. This is a tough one to swallow, and I understand that, having gone through both a Worker’s Compensation battle and a personal injury lawsuit after my 1998 car accident. I understand the fear of not having the necessary funds to heal and the anger that arises when no one seems to recognize your struggles. I often need to pause severely ill or injured clients and say something like this:

“I have scanned your energy, and I see clearly that you are not making this up. I recognize something amiss in your energy field, and I have no doubt that what you’re sharing with me is true. Forgive me for interupting, but this is your time, and I want to give you the most I can during our time together. Before we go further, I need to ask you which is more important to you: getting well or having everyone around you acknowledge how ill or injured you are? Because right now you’re splitting your energies, and that slows down your healing. In some cases, it may even prevent your healing.”

Many times, just having one person (in this case me), recognize and acknowledge the struggle allows people to shift gears. I do not give Medical Diagnoses, but I have no reason to doubt what someone shares as their experience. In my work, the physical manifestations matter less than the underlying energetics and chosen focus. Bodies are designed to heal themselves; health is our natural state. I view my job as helping people to get out of their own way. Once someone can release the need to hammer away at the negativity they feel, they can begin to examine those core emotional, spiritual, soul, or mental issues appearing in the body.

I always say, “Your body never betrays you. Your body and soul are lovers, and your body has completely devoted itself to your soul’s greatest growth and pleasure. Your body loves your soul so much that it will sacrifice anything, even its very life, in order to bring you a message from your soul’s deepest desires. Let’s take a moment to thank your body for its devotion. Once you accept the message, your body can begin to release the symptoms because it will not need to carry them in order to get your attention.” A Medical Intuitive Diagnosis decodes the message(s) from soul to body into language your conscious mind can understand and begin to address.

But I Already Have a Diagnosis!

Well, this certainly relieves much of the frustration above. It does, however, occasionally bring its own difficulties. It all depends on what you choose to do with your diagnosis. Some people adorn themselves with this new label and filter all experience and opportunity through that pathology. Used as a springboard to effective treatement, diagnosis offers hope. When used as a permanent excuse for every negative or uncomfortable thing in life, diagnosis loses much of its healing value. Once diagnosis becomes “identity,” it becomes very difficult to shake. People who have spent many months or years with a diagnosis often need to forge new identities for themselves before they can truly recover. Change can be scary — even good change — and I find that many clients appreciate clear instructions on how to get back in touch with themselves. Who are they underneath all the symptoms, diagnoses, pain and disability?

Finding Joy

Given the beautiful, and sometimes tricky relationship between body and soul, simple steps work best, especially in the beginning. One of the best things anyone can do, ill or not, is start making note of whatever brings joy. Start a gratitude journal, giving thanks for what you have, but also allow yourself to be bold in noticing other things that light your happy fire. What gets you super-excited? What childhood dreams have slept dormant for decades? What kind of food do you love? What’s your favorite color? Your favorite smells? Do you long for romance? Travel? Children? Freedom? A cozy home life?

Start making note of what you love. Your soul will thank you. In some cases, this shift in focus and an eventual commitment to a more soulful life may catalyze spontaneous healing. In other cases, you may need more clarity on subconscious blocks like past life issues. Feel free to contact me if you suspect something more is going on. In any case, know this: your health issues have notified you of some wonderful opportunities to enjoy life from a more abundant, loving, peaceful and satisfying perspective. You are loved. So very loved. And you are free. You hold all the keys!

Many Blessings!

Coaching Yourself through Food Issues

Eating disorders, obsession with food, and perfectionism do not always end with a nutrition degree or a 100% raw vegan diet. Yes, removing toxins and processed foods helps—sometimes tremendously—but the pressure to look healthy, thin and beautiful can continue beyond education or dietary shifts. Often, it actually increases.

As a Medical Intuitive and Life Coach, I’ve encountered many nutritionists, spiritual healers and raw fooders who feel ashamed and embarrassed of their ongoing issues with food. As health advocates, they’re “not supposed to have these problems anymore!” “Why can’t they practice what they preach?” “Why the self-sabotage?” Secret cooked food binges, bulimia (overeating followed by regurgitation or excessive exercise), dangerously long fasts and detoxification attempts, uncontrollable cravings: this dark side of radiant health can plunge people into a sea of shame and depression—which, of course, they’re also not supposed to feel. “What if my clients or readers find out?” they worry. “You’re human,” I say. “And it’s more common than you think.” So common and under-reported, in fact, that I decided to write an article.

Fortunately, our bodies never betray us. They work on behalf of our souls—trying to grab our attention when nothing else has. As with any health concern, once we decode and accept the message, we can let the symptoms go. Most psychologists recognize these patients’ tendency toward perfectionism. Therapy attempts to negate self-judgment. This helps to some degree, but most “recovered” anorexics, overeaters or bulimics privately confess that the disorder returns whenever they feel out of control. Best case scenario, they can manage the stress and not return to old behavior patterns—but the thoughts remain. Telling someone to “drop the perfectionism” doesn’t provide a cure. In fact, it prevents the cure! Because, truth be told, these people know they can do better. They know they can live bigger, brighter, more influential lives—perhaps more than anyone around them imagines. The quest for perfect body or perfect health reflects a deeper urge to perfect the Self.

 Successful treatment of eating disorders needs to honor this inner drive—and create a safe space to explore unusual gifts and talents. In a society that feels more comfortable with mediocrity, it often seems easier to transfer the soul’s mission to the body. Thus, the anorexic who holds within her a fully compassionate, radiant, healing presence feels less conspicuous as a walking skeleton. The bulimic whose potentially bestselling words of wisdom could transform millions of lives finds it easier to throw up food than to write her book. The personal trainer who intuitively knows how to heal his clients’ self-esteem puts all his energy into pumping iron—so that people notice his body rather than his soul. The overweight psychic piles on pounds in order to subdue her too-bright inner glow. I’ve noticed a complex yet consistent dynamic in people with eating disorders. Yes, they exhibit perfectionist tendencies, but not in the way most people assume. The shame of imperfection stems less from impaired body image than from living below their natural capabilities.

On some level, these people recognize that they have gifts to share, but they get scared. Maybe the world won’t accept their unusual talents. Maybe family tells them they need to live a certain way. Perhaps some people find their message offensive. What if everyone thinks they’ve lost their minds? Whatever the rational for avoiding their gifts, these perfectionists intuitively know they’re not sharing what they could. The shame they express with regard to their bodies or eating habits really mirrors a deeper shame at not living as authentically and compassionately as they could. It doesn’t matter if people tell them they look good or consider them experts in their field. It doesn’t even matter if they are experts in their field! These people know they could do more, and they feel ashamed for slacking.

Ultimately, it’s not really about perfection, though. It’s about the “r” word. Responsibility. Having the kind of influence that changes lives can feel scary. Self-sabotage provides both distraction and “proof of unworthiness” to wield such influence. But physical/psychological symptoms can only distract for so long. Eventually, they demand attention, forcing people to deal with those latent gifts. The good news is that people do recover from eating disorders, and you can, too, by augmenting your traditional treatments with targeted personal growth exercises:

1 ) Practice mindful eating. Pay attention to your food. Notice the flavors, colors, textures and how these make you feel. Ponder all the people and processes involved in the growth and production of your food and express gratitude for the gift on your plate.

2 ) Start a meditation practice. You can buy a CD like Yogiraj Alan Finger’s Life Enhancing Meditations or Deepak Chopra’s SoulofHealing Meditation CD. Both offer excellent guidance in forgiving yourself and others, allowing you to open a bigger, more influential you. You can also try a kundalini yoga meditation called Sa Ta Na Ma. The words “sa ta na ma” translate roughly to birth, life, death, rebirth, and are thus a powerful transformative mantra. When chanting Sa Ta Na Ma, sit on the floor with your legs crossed and press your elbows to your ribs, so that your arms each form 90 degree angles at your sides. Press the fingertips to the pads on your palms and stick your thumb s up like a hitchhiker. Inhale deeply and then exhale all your air, sucking your navel towards your back. Holding the belly empty, chant silently within yourself four rounds of “Sa Ta Na Ma.” Inhale deeply and repeat this process at least six times, up to eleven minutes. The combination of completely emptying and then filling the lungs and belly, combined with the meaning, make this a super technique for people with eating disorders.

3 ) Whenever you feel “too big” physically, explore your spiritual gifts. If you don’t consciously know what these are, ask for guidance. They will reveal themselves! You can also take a 60 question inventory here: http://www.elca.org/evangelism/assessments/spiritgifts.html (If you are not Christian, modify the questions for your personal belief system.) People often feel “huge” not because of actual girth but because they have so much unused “stuff” inside of them.

4 ) When you feel the urge to purge, release in other ways. Honor pent-up energy, words and talents that seek expression. Write, paint, draw, volunteer. Share something beautiful!

5 ) When you want to starve yourself, “feed” the world. Look at people around you starving for emotional or spiritual nourishment. Offer random acts of kindness as support. Clean house and donate old clothes. Give until you feel balanced to receive again.

6 ) If you feel ashamed for your “issues,” remember where you’re headed. Shame will dissolve as you embrace your deeper purpose and share that beauty with the world. We change the world and our lives one small step at a time. Each day, concentrate on one small step—a journal entry, conversation, or application essay. An outfit of older clothes put together in unexpected ways. A walk in nature. A letter to the editor.

7 ) If your stomach bothers you, focus on your heart center. If you have trouble getting into your heart, imagine green, gold, or pink light moving in and out of you with your breath. Follow your breath and feel a pulsating warmth in the center of your chest. Let that warmth envelop you and radiate from you like warm, honey, emanating sweetness. Your heart’s just one step above your tummy, but that one step lifts you out of ego and into communion.

www.internationalrenaissancecoaching.com

Related Post: A Three Day Gratitude Extravaganza

If you live in Northern California, you can hear Laura’s free talk, “The Strangest and Most Common Things Seen by a Medical Intuitive,” at Cafe Gratitude in Healdsburg on Monday, March 9.  707-658-2787 for details.