Posts Tagged ‘Concussion’

Laura Bruno Interview Now Available on A Fireside Chat with Zany Mystic

For those of you who missed the original interview, you can now listen to it or download the interview by clicking this link.

We talked about intuition, brain injury, talking trees, the Faery Realm, GMO’s, organic gardening, hunger in America, and more. Quite the fun discussion! Lance is great. 🙂

Zany Mystic aka Lance White Interviews Laura Bruno On BBS Radio – A Fireside Chat – Saturday, November 30, 2013.

Zany Mystic’s Affiliate Link: http://www.bbsradio.com/7264.html
Email: zanymystic59@yahoo.com
Blog: http://www.bbsradio.com/hosts/afiresidechat/
Web address for BBS home page: http://www.bbsradio.com
A Fireside Chat BIO & Archives: http://www.afiresidechat.com

Death and Dying: Relinquishment on the Spiritual Path

I’ve spent most of today in awe of a 1998 journal I kept when I could not read what I was writing. During the early months of my brain injury, I somehow sensed the magnitude of this time period, and recorded it for later, even though migraines prevented me from re-reading what I wrote. I’ve found some real gems in there, jewels of synchronicity that memory had distorted from their original brilliant gleam. I’ve also discovered that despite my “loss of a rational side,” some strangely relevant insights continue to unearth themselves, even twelve years later.

So many people seem to be leaving parts of themselves behind these days that I decided to share this partial entry from 10/28/98. For the sake of privacy and brevity, I’m extracting parts that do not reference specific people or situations, but I hope you will find this sharing helpful during Fall 2010’s shifts and opportunities to let the old die so that we can allow the new to announce and birth itself. Happy Diwali — a celebration of Peace, Light and Love — and Namaste:

10/28/98

“Space” is a strange, but important concept for me, I have been miserable at times without it. I have occasionally found friends whose space enraptures me or comforts me, but until recently, I felt a continual longing for my own space. …I knew I had a major hang-up and that I would have to work through it on my own. The only way to get the fear out of my system was to prove to myself that I could support myself and create my own beautiful space in which to heal. (I speak here not of my concussion but of my various psychological wounds.)

As soon as I tasted the freedom of living alone, I became fiercely protective of my independence. I knew I had to go through this phase, and I did not want a disruption of the process. I believe that the apartment is the last thing I feel so fiercely for. Prior to this concussion I felt that way about school, about men, about money, time and autonomy. The concussion has been, I believe, a necessary lesson in relinquishment. Having attained some long, sometimes lifelong goals, I have been asked, forced, to relinquish everything I thought I needed to be happy.

In the cases in which I have given away control, accepted my own insignficance, and learned to take what life gives me, I have grown. It unnerves me and threatens me a little to think of relinquishing all I’ve worked so hard towards. It’s difficult to loosen the last reins you feel you’ll ever hold. I know that the illusion of control misguides me here. I must come to a point at which I truly feel that [if I lose this space] … another door will open for me somewhere else.

I’m on the verge of relinquishing this space spiritually. It does not really belong to me anyway. It was a gift, just like good friends, or an injury that lets me heal my hang-ups. Perhaps Chopin’s Marche Funèbre will help again. I mistakenly assumed I was done dying for awhile. I begin to understand, the glimpse the idea that maybe the only time we finish dying comes with Death itself. “All of life is but a laughter and a forgetting.” Something like that. Wordsworth, I believe.

Can I laugh and forget it all? The big lesson, a big lesson anyway, will say that since I have stripped away all my supposed necessities for happiness and fulfillment and given that I have remained relatively happy and carefree throughout this experience, it follows that I do not need those elements to be happy after all. I am free of my carerr, my bank account, and my apartment. I can move anywhere and do anything, as long as I continue truly to be myself.

I love my family and my friends. I may one day love a husband. I may have a career, or not. I may choose situations, and I may have them handed to me. In the end it’s all the same. In the end I will have lived and died and DIED.

“Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.

We passed the school, where children strove
At recess, in the ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.

Or rather, he passed us;
The dews grew quivering and chill,
For only gossamer my gown,
My tippet only tulle.

We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.

Since then ’tis centuries, and yet each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses’ heads
Were toward eternity.”

(Emily Dickinson)

“The Brain, within its Groove
Runs evenly — and true —
But let a Splinter swerve —
‘Twere easier for You —

To put a Current back —
When Floods have slit the Hills —
And scooped a Turnpike for Themselves —
And trodden out the Mills –”

(Emily Dickinson)

… and later that week, from Isak Dinesen’s Out of Africa:

“We navigated differently. Perhaps he knew as I did not that the earth was made round so we do not see too far down the road.”

“It’s not what I thought would happen to me now.”

“I still have your compass.”
“Why don’t you keep it. You’ve earned it. Besides, I don’t always want to know where I’m going anyway.”

“When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers.”

“Let it go. Let it go. This water lives in Mombaza anyway.”

[Reading this twelve years, dozens of relocations, a full recovery, and many, many coaching and intuitive clients later, fills me with profound gratitude and a sense of Divinity moving through my life like water. It reminds me of the Taoist concept of “Wu Wei” or “effortless action.” Water is the gentlest force, and yet it digs riverbeds and carves stone. If you feel yourself struggling on the path, consider relinquishing the struggle and allowing Grace to carry you. I’m so glad I did!]

Deepest Blessings and Much Love,
Laura