Comment Bump Up and Response

Today’s post comes from a comment left on Friday’s re-blog of “Crossing our own boundaries: consent in the wake of ‘me too.'” I decided to turn the comment and reply into its own post, because this past weekend brought a wave of urgent requests from people for help freeing themselves from relationships with suspected and/or professionally diagnosed cluster-B personality disordered people, energy vampires, and/or black magic. These topics run close to the side issues in “Crossing our own boundaries,” as similar encounters early in life tend to prime someone for these kinds of relationships later in life.

This happens especially often to Empaths, and learning to discern patterns and reclaim sovereignty forms some of the most important healing we will ever do — as individuals and for our broken society. In the biggest picture, yes, All is Love, but at the level of PTSD in body, emotions, mind, soul and spirit, things can take longer to untangle and heal. Here’s the comment, followed by my response:

Comment:

What is the fear of a penis pressed against a bottom? What is the fear of a vagina aching to turn to that pressure? What is the fear of allowing another to touch and lift a leg so that it is extended beyond what one might have thought was possible? I fail to get the victim of what is and what is not love in what is described in this post. I get boundaries and setting them, but when one doesn’t set those boundaries, but trusts and believes that one is safe, regardless, where is the…. victim?

My reply:

Thanks for your comment, Barbara. You are, of course, right in the biggest picture and in theory. There’s a major gap between the theory and biggest picture and someone who has been, say, raped as a child, which happens way more often than most people realize. Add to that sexual predation by a trusted counselor or healer when someone is most vulnerable, awakening from severe mind control or gaslighting, and/or trying to make sense of a rape at any age, whether “random” on the street, or a so-called date rape. PTSD from these sorts of experiences remains until processed out — and that processing does not occur solely on the mental or spiritual level. Full healing requires integration, including the emotions and the body.

Beyond these kinds of physical or mental violations, things like emotional incest happen, such that even though not physical, when someone else starts to push on inappropriate areas, it can trigger a full blown PTSD event equivalent in the body and emotions to actual incest. If we add in suppressed past life memories to the mix, it’s maybe not so difficult to comprehend why these things could trigger someone.

Through my clients, relationships and friendships spread across over four decades of this lifetime, I have encountered an astonishing number of men who were raped or abused as children, women victims of incest, and people who slipped into relationships with therapist, gurus or healers that had a very disadvantaged power structure. If you’ve not encountered any of these situations, then consider yourself blessed. They are profoundly traumatic wounds for much of our society, and healing comes in fits and starts, not a once and done spiritual bypass. Star of Bethlehem Bach Flower Remedy is the fastest multi-level healer I’ve found.

Blessings and love … Laura

 

13 responses to this post.

  1. The 911 false flag was mass trauma-based mind conditioning. I know few people who were not not damaged by that alone.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Very true!

    Like

  3. Posted by Linette on March 19, 2018 at 3:38 pm

    One of the biggest consequences of being raped as a child is that boundaries are never established. You don’t even know that there are such things, or that they are healthy. You don’t know, except maybe in the most vague “don’t let strangers touch you there” kind of way, that it is not ok for anyone who wants to to hug you, kiss you, touch you anywhere they want. They are the grown ups. Then, as an adult, you have to go back and try to figure out what you are, in your deepest heart, actually OK with. You grow up believing that anyone with any authority, perceived or “real”, has the right to demand whatever they want from you, whenever they want it, because in your mind, you are still that little kid with no authority over your own body. There is no questioning. Your own needs and wants are so far buried, you don’t even remember that there is such a thing as being able to say, “No, I don’t want that”, and when you finally do realize that, then there is a whole new field of shame, anger, and insecurity about telling people no, I don’t want that. And we are especially vulnerable in sleep. So, while you may be completely, totally in love with your partner, completely love and trust them, and believe that they love and trust you, too, it can still be deeply traumatizing to wake up to feel his penis pressed into your back and his hands in places it would be ok to go if you were awake. Your mind, half asleep, goes right back to the trauma, you obey as though you were that 5, 6, or 7-year-old again, and then you feel all sorts of confusing things: shame that you did or did not respond the way you “should have” to your partner, shame that you know your mind went right back to the obedient child, even though it’s so many years later, confusion over how your body can be both aroused and physically ill (being aroused by an abuser is one of the hardest to get your head around, but it is the body’s way of protecting itself from damage it knows it cannot escape)… It takes time, awareness, and it really helps to have a loving partner to begin to heal those wounds and reclaim your own autonomy over your body and who has the right to touch it. And when you are first addressing those issues, you can find yourself in the first instant reacting as though you are the abused child again, immediately followed by being the outraged adult, and that brings its own level of shame, confusion, anger, and whole host of other emotions.

    I appreciate the comment and the continued conversation around this, as it gives some of us a chance to articulate, and thereby understand what we feel about being victims of abuse and about our own recovery.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Thank you for this vulnerable and powerful sharing, Linette. Huge hugs and love to you. I suspected, but it’s more empowering to let someone tell their own story in their own way and their own time. So much love, my sweet friend. You are more than OK. You’re a beautiful being, and I’m so sorry and so proud of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Posted by Tracy Kruse on March 19, 2018 at 5:50 pm

    In instances where one believes themselves to be safe, perhaps even loves and trusts another and then is betrayed, especially as a child or even a naive young adult, the feelings and reactions are the same: Confusion, betrayal, shame and hopefully anger. Frankly, I can think of few, both women and men I know who have not been overtly or covertly sexually traumatized given the state of the world that we live in, and not only by family or strangers but by professionals. There are those who never speak of their experiences, who struggle with finding meaning in their lives and even in moving forward without fear. The world is part of the #metoo…and to believe that it is not is to deny many a certain level of acceptance and healing and the seeking of real trust again. As more and more comes to revelation, I do believe there will be many shocked to find that the world they thought they knew is a product of a carefully manufactured fantasy, purposely designed to hide the evil that has enmeshed itself, particularly into the lives of our children. I do hope with open hearts we will come together as One, where all will find healing.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Yes, the betrayal is the worst part for most people — not knowing if it’s ever safe to trust again. I hope and pray open hearts will come together as One, too, Tracy. It’s time for healing, and so much of that begins with children and our inner children. Much love!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Posted by Paging Mrs Zen on March 19, 2018 at 11:46 pm

    Laura is there any ‘best method’ for using the Star of Bethlehem flower for healing trauma? Under tongue? On skin? Thanks!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Hi Mrs Zen, legally, I cannot prescribe anything, but manufacturer’s directions are usually for 4 drops under the tongue, 4 x per day. Bach Flower Remedies contain alcohol, so people who wish to avoid this would need to look for special glycerine versions, or else use the remedy topically or gently heat to evaporate the alcohol. I have used remedies on crystals for healing work, and you can also place drops on the site of trauma, provided it’s not a mucus membrane. I suppose you could also add the drops to a carrier oil of some sort and use as massage, although I have not personally done that. Just a thought!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Posted by Paging Mrs Zen on March 20, 2018 at 10:46 am

    Thanks for the suggestions Laura. Most appreciated. 💐😌💓

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Posted by Kieron on March 20, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    There are non-alcohol based flower essences other than Bach, or FES which is the other major maker, that can be taken internally by drops under the tongue or in water and sipped, and applied externally to anywhere but the eyes or mucous membranes, even misted over yourself or a space in the home, using drops in water in a spray bottle. If it’s an animal you’re working with, you’d want to avoid the alcohol-preserved essences anyway! personally, I have found Green Hope Farm flower essences to be particularly effective compared to the others. You don’t need to stick to the 4 drops guideline, either, but take as many as you feel led to take each time. You can even blend different essences without fear of synergistic effects with medication because there are no plant parts in the essence, only the vibration.

    I hope this opens some possibilities for you the way it did for me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Thank you, Kieron! You’re always a wealth of knowledge. 🙂

    Like

  12. Posted by Clare on March 21, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    Hi Laura I’m from Toowoomba in Queensland. I have been following you for years. Can’t remember how long. You just appeared in my in box one day and so curious read the blog, and you had me from day one. It was the simplicity plain and simply.
    However of late I have not been receiving any blogs so decided to do a bit of digging, and low and behold I have missed two. The one above and the spring 2018 blog…
    could you check to see is I’m still on your list please. Strange things happening this side of the world of late!!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Dear Clare, thanks so much for your comment. I don’t have a function on my end to determine if you are subscribed, as it would require me wading through 1000’s of subscriptions and even then I’m not sure I can do anything either way. Best option would be to try to sign up again. If you are already subscribed, try unsubscribing and then subscribing again. I think WordPress will send a confirmation email. If that goes to spam, make sure to click “not spam” or “not junk.”

    On occasion, gmail especially has censored my blog notifications, but sometimes other servers also flag posts as either junk or WP deletes a bunch of subscribers for no reason. Back in 2012, this used to bug me to no end, but the solution is pretty easy once you realize you’re missing emails. Just check out your subscription status on my blog and/or try to resubscribe. I’m sorry I cannot help you from my end. There might be a way, but I am one of the lesser techie people you’ll encounter!

    Peace,
    Laura

    Liked by 1 person

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