How Am I?

A lot of people keep writing, texting and otherwise asking me how I’m doing after my father’s passing, so I thought I’d post an update here. Overall, I’m feeling very good about how everything transpired. Some people know that I had received an intuitive heads up back in January that my dad would likely pass sometime around March 10, 2016, after the house signing, but while David and I were still here on our originally intended visit. Since I’ve received those sorts of heads up’s before and have only ever been “off” by one day, we took this seriously, preparing ourselves that he could very well pass during our stay.

Some people have expressed surprise, even shock, that my “magick couldn’t keep him alive,” or confusion because when they sent Reiki to him, “he had so much life force energy in him.” Aren’t I upset and confused by this, too?

First of all, my dad had an extra 4.5 powerful, deeply healing and transforming years with us, for which we’re all grateful. Yes, I miss him, but I could have missed him a long time ago and without the healing and closure his extra time gifted us.

Second, if it’s someone’s time to go — cosmic expiration date and/or soul choice — then I don’t want my magick to interfere with that process. That’s not the kind of magick or energy work I practice! I offer healing, supportive energy for the Highest Good of All, including seen and unseen factors and beings. I don’t view it as my place to override a natural, chosen process, even if I could. My dad passed in a beautiful way, with loved ones present, within 24-hours of when I’d sensed he would leave his body.

Sometimes premonitions come to help alter the trajectory. I’ve avoided many a dire situation by listening to messages from dreams or persistent, uncharacteristic “worries.” But many times, a premonition arrives not to change the overall situation, but to help deal with it in the most conscious and healing way. I believe that’s what happened with my father’s passing. For about six months, I had sensed he would pass on a Thursday, and in January, I got “word” that he’d likely transition while David and I were present this March. My dad dropped into a non-responsive state on Thursday, March 10, and he passed peacefully on Friday, the 11th.

Third, no, I’m not completely immune to human emotions. I feel incredibly at peace with his transition, but multiple times per day, I still think of things I want to tell my dad about “their” new home. I get really excited to show him photos of how I’m setting things up for my mom, and then I realize, “Oh. Right. No photos for Dad.” That takes the wind out of my sails a bit. But then I realize he can already see what I’m doing there, probably even before I do it! My brother and father had both commissioned me to use my decorating and “space creating” skills to turn the new home into a sanctuary. It’s the perfect creative project for this time, and I feel good honoring my dad’s last wishes.

Plus: retail therapy works! My mom and I aren’t going crazy with the new purchases, but after 30 years in a family home, some things deserve retirement. I love, love, love creating sacred spaces, and my mom has had me do this in the past for some of her friends. I really enjoy quizzing her on all the things she’s wished for in a home, and we’re finding ways to make those a reality. This new space will be sooooo “Jane,” and I’ve always wanted her to have that kind of freedom to express herself with no restrictions. My mom and I have our moments, but we both feel very at peace and continue to embrace the new.

My brother, Craig, and his wife, Adin, are doing reasonably well, in large part because my mom decided to give them my parents’ dog, Darcy, who had become too much for my mom to handle on her own. Darcy has a special fondness for my sister-in-law, and she has “rocked their world.” In a good way. Having this extra bundle of 6-year-old “puppy” energy and lap dog love has injected their lives with healing and joy at a time of loss and sorrow. Big blessings for everyone, including my mom, who no longer feels guilty for not giving Darcy the kind of life she deserves.

The most difficult part of this time period for me has been recognizing the extreme pain of my sister and her two boys, who as the local family who spent lots of quality time with my dad on holidays, birthdays and at soccer games, feel my dad’s absence in acutely tangible ways that I don’t, having spent most of my past 24 years living elsewhere. Feeling their pain and the palpable shift in their lives is really hard, so if you’d like to send Reiki and prayers, please send them for healing, support, and peace for Erica, Owen and Anthony.

We would also love continued prayers for the safe, easy and seamless transition of my mom into her new home. I’ve set the move-in date for April 2. We have packers and movers, but we still need to go through everything to decide what stays or goes. My mom loves having someone living in the house with her, so I think some of this might hit her more strongly once I head home on April 9. We’ll have her birthday together, but then my sister becomes the only local daughter, and a very busy one at that.

I’m working to get support systems in place for my mom, and the new community she’s moving to are about the friendliest folks I’ve ever encountered. Coupled with my mom’s church community and contacts from her 25 years working at Lehigh University, she knows people everywhere. It will still be an adjustment to live alone, though, even if I turn her home into the most beautiful, cheerful Jane sanctuary we can imagine.

As far as sessions, I’m definitely up to doing them. It’s much more a matter of time than ability at this point, so I can only fit them in as I have time to do them amidst moving, legal and financial logistics. All in all, all is well. Heartfelt thank you’s to everyone who cares and who has been following this journey and sending love, prayers and healing energy.

Love and blessings,

Laura