More Tips for Connecting with the Faeries

This is a follow-up post to my earlier Quick Tips for Interacting with Faeries. Today’s post goes more in-depth and answers some questions and concerns readers, clients and local people have raised in the past nine months. If you’ve not read the previous post, you might want to glance through it, since it covers the three Faery Rules: “No Rudeness,” “Respect, Not Control,” and “A Person’s Word is Bond.” Today’s post assumes at least a basic understanding of these rules.

How do I know what a faery considers “rude,” and what happens if I accidentally offend a faery?

At its most basic, “rudeness” means failing to show good manners. Ask before you take. If you wish to form (and maintain) a friendship with a faery, approach them kindly and with respect for differences in culture and expectations. If you need a favor, then don’t expect or demand it for free. Accept that if you can’t do something yourself and require assistance, then perhaps those helping you are not lesser beings than you just because you can’t see them or understand how they do what they do. Faeries have extreme distaste for obnoxious braggarts, so don’t be the equivalent of bulls in their China shop with loud, aggressive demands, boasts or judgments. Especially don’t judge the fact that faeries have notoriously quick tempers and thin skins. They’re sensitive. That’s probably partly why you feel drawn to connect with them in the first place — for their closer ties with and understanding of Nature (including human nature) and for their abilities to recognize subtleties and initiate small, almost imperceptible shifts for big results.

“No Rudeness” includes aspects of the other two rules.

“Respect, Not Control”: faeries are not your little helpers or slaves. They will help you if they feel like helping you, if they deem you worthy and/or if they anticipate some kind of fair exchange. If you continue to ask for help without taking the time and effort to sense what they would like in return, then they will likely deem you unworthy of further investment. This likelihood increases if you not only fail to exchange something desirable but instead insult them by denying their existence, mocking them, or otherwise poking their sensitive spots.

Most faeries consider helping humans a necessary evil, since they realize a human world with no faery influence equals a completely destroyed Earth. Though reluctant to interact, some faeries have accepted the challenge to form friendships with humans and actually enjoy the connections. Don’t push it, though. By nature, humans are far less sensitive than faeries, and faeries can only muster so much tolerance for “unintentional” rudeness. Attempting to increase your own sensitivities is usually considered a good faith gesture, provided you intend to use those sensitivities for reasons other than just enhancing your own good fortune. The faeries willing to work with humans are hardcore in their dedication to saving this planet. They expect at least a modicum of similar dedication on the part of the humans with whom they agree to work.

Faeries speak in the language of symbols and gifts — and especially of symbolic gifts. Take care to select appropriate gifts — not just those things you yourself would like. Remember, you’re dealing with multidimensional, poetic beings, so consult your heart or pay attention to things that seem to excite and delight your faery friends. When in doubt, gestures to clean up Nature or add beauty are fairly safe bets. Ugliness and industrialization both strike faeries as extremely “rude,” so any efforts to smooth sharp lines, cover electronics, add spots of color and delights for the senses usually rate high on the faery gift’o’meter. Crystals, “coin” and homemade items also meet with faery approval.

If you want to make a deal with a faery and sense that faery wants something you are not prepared to gift or pay, then you would be wise to forgo that faery’s help. Remember, “A Person’s Word is Bond.” Better not to offer than to offer and think that faery will let you off the hook. While they might allow you to skate by without following through on your end of the bargain, you likely won’t receive another chance to prove yourself honorable. They will accept you not accepting their help in the first place, but if they keep their end of the bargain and you don’t, then prepare for removal of any faery protections they may have freely gifted you for being their friend. Most won’t curse you — although plenty of faery tales describe such things. People just rarely realize how generous their faery friends become, since most of the gifts remain in the invisible realm. How does one prove the positive synchronicities stem from faery blessings? How does one explain that the absence of faery blessings is not a curse, though it may feel like one to someone who has grown accustomed to such favor?

Attempts to control faeries or tell them how to do their jobs usually result in mischief or at least a revocation of formerly favored status. Again, if you require their help, then you are, presumably, not the expert. If you think you can do these things yourself, then don’t ask for faery help unless you intend to exchange value for value. If you hold your request very dear, then don’t expect something of little value to express your gratitude. Note: for faeries, “value” need not mean “expensive.” “Value” means “dear.” A heartfelt offering shows its heartfelt status by honoring what the faery holds dear. Again, beauty, something homemade, crystals, “coin” (which can mean a gift of money, but oftentimes means a gift of something that cost you money, rather than the money itself), something that helps Nature … such things make appropriate gifts.

If you fear you have offended the Fae and really want to maintain your friendship with them, then any or all of the following might help:

1) Eat some humble pie and acknowledge your mistake or transgression.

2) Offer to make some kind of restitution, i.e. extra gifts to Nature or the willingness to talk positively about faeries with people who don’t believe in them. Allowing yourself to look foolish for the sake of improving faery-human relations gets extra credit as an apology.

3) Create an extremely fun, silly and/or delightful diversion. Faeries naturally love fun, and the ones who work with humans often get less of it than they need. Playing beautiful music and dancing, tickling a faery’s funny bone, reading (good) poetry aloud, painting or decorating a space in more harmonious ways — especially an outdoor space — wins big points.

If you wish to endear yourself to the Fae, find ways to lift their spirits even when you don’t need a favor and when you haven’t offended them.

Again, touches of beauty go far. Faery bling in the garden. Planting flowers in your vegetable beds. Reducing harsh lines and signs of the industrial revolution.

Faeries are also highly romantic, so any celebrations of true love give them heartfelt delight.

Laughter, giggles, good-spirited puns — including theatrically acted out puns — costumes or clothing with flair, vignettes and quirky arrangements feel like balm to the faery psyche, encouraging the Fae to venture further and longer into a usually too harsh human environment. If you can keep them engaged with little jokes, giggly-winks, and thoughtful gifts, they will love you and value your presence enough to excuse occasional rough spots or overstepping of boundaries.

When the faeries love you, they will gladly shower you with gifts and good will, pulling strings to help you along, offering well timed advice (either directly or through their human allies), and generously showering their faery hugs and pixie dust upon you. Life becomes magical and feels like the Universe winks and smiles at you as you go about your day. Your faery friends will get to know you well. You can show them honor and respect by getting to know them well, too. If you work with individual faeries, learn their individual preferences and quirks. As with humans, general rules apply, but unique relationships acquire their own subtle dynamics, blessings and benefits. When in doubt, return to the Faery Rules and then refine them as circumstances and your heart lead.

Blessed Be ….

and be the blessing!