Seeking, Finding and Being Change

I’ve heard from many former Facebook friends — everything from “Are you ok?” to “I understand why you’ve decided to leave,” to “Yay! I’m leaving, too” to a very concerned “Do you need to talk to someone?” — as though by leaving Facebook I have left this entire reality. In a way, I have left, but only in the most positive sense of leaving. 😉 Meanwhile, I find it deliciously ironic that Facebook has somehow become the standard of “reality” for those whose friends exist primarily online. I’m not knocking this situation; I made some great friends on FB and stayed connected with lots of long distance friends I’d met earlier in person or as colleagues. FB fulfills many functions, from social activism and collective vibe raising to supportive small talk and virtual hugs.

When I left California for Chicago in early 2010, I purposely moved to Hyde Park, where I thought no one would ever venture to visit me. I lived on the 9th floor with panoramic views of Lake Michigan, the Museum of Science and Industry, and an open Western expanse except where other buildings dotted the sunset horizon. In many ways I felt like I lived in a tower, only “allowed” to leave once per day to buy a fresh green juice or vegan Thai food and then walk by the Lake. For hours. The icy winds and crashing waves welcomed my weary spirit and ensured that I would meet few people along the way. I wasn’t lonely; on the contrary, I craved the solitude. Except for a few close friends, feeling others’ physical energetic presence seemed harsh and oppressive after having utterly depleted myself for other people’s healing, support, well-being, and dreams. Yes, I wanted alone time. I desperately needed it.

And yet, I have a very social side. I didn’t join Facebook for friends, but I very much enjoyed the play after having worked so hard. Too fragile to play in person, I found that FB let me do so vicariously. What I joined “for service” became its own rabbit hole to a backdoor universe that quietly healed my life.

Once that life began clicking into alignment with what I truly desired, FB became more of the “mission” I’d first expected it to be. I found myself speaking out about things long held back, trying to share such things in non-alarmist ways. Most of the foreboding nightmares I had before 9/11/2001 and earlier this year have already come to pass. People have asked if that’s why I closed my account, and the answer is yes, but not for the reasons you might first conclude.

On the surface, it’s true, the US has finally revealed itself as a police state threatening Martial Law and trying to legalize the torture of its own citizens. The Senate and House just legalized indefinite detention of citizens (yes, the co-sponsor of the bill has shown precedent that it includes any and all US citizens, not just illegal aliens). Fukushima continues to spew untold amounts of radiation into our environment. Dolphins are turning up dead for unknown reasons (take your pick). Senate members press for extreme internet censorship and a “terrorist button” on all websites, facilitating a McCarthy-style turning in of any and all government critics. The Western economy is bankrupt, and Monsanto and BigPharma have taken over not only our food supply but also the government that regulates what’s legal to grow in our own garden. Ditto in New Zealand and the EU. On top of that, we might have WWIII on our hands with Iran, Israel, Russia, China and the US. Yes, on the surface, things look very grim, indeed.

The thing is, though, to me, none of this is new. I’ve had nightmares and forebodings of these sorts of things since before 2001. The fact that they’ve revealed themselves to others almost feels like a huge relief. A passing of the torch. Sometime in 2011, a very stagnant pond began to move, eventually rejoining the ebb and flow of tides. Now that things are so obviously ebbing, I see some gloriously flowing possibilities. Flowing water is cleaner water. Stagnation kills, while movement heals. For the life of me (and I mean that both literally and figuratively), I can no longer filter and transmute all the yuck in the world into something other people can swallow. I just can’t. And fortunately, I appear to have been relieved of that duty, just as I’ve been relieved of earlier duties when they grew too burdensome. Ask and ye shall receive. I both ask for and receive a lot.

In the tradition of Ghandi’s “You must become the change you wish to see in the world,” I have to admit I’m on my way. The shift happened gradually, no doubt much earlier than I recognized it coming. Maybe 2006. Maybe with my 1998 brain injury as the trigger. For awhile, some things got way worse while other “impossible” things resolved. For awhile, I lived simultaneously in extreme joy and despair while fighting my way out of a self-and-other-imposed straight jacket. I don’t know exactly how or when I became Houdini; nor do I care to quibble about it. My point is that change does happen. As above, so below; as within, so without. Sometimes it takes awhile for physical reality to reflect what’s happened on the inside, but it always eventually happens! I see this during Medical Intuitive, Soul Reading and Tarot sessions. I also hear it from teachers like Abraham-Hicks, Sanaya Roman’s Orin, Joseph Murphy, Ghandi, Ralph Waldo Emerson and MLK.

I see and feel it happening now, in our world and in ourselves. When I look at my life right now, I feel so incredibly grateful. I have never felt more consistent joy, and I sense this current state as mere seeds of the full grown bliss and content longing to burst forth in Divine and perfect timing. The seeds themselves taste good, but what about the eventual fruit that produces so many more seeds? I know so many amazing Lightworkers –as friends, clients, students, and colleagues — and I see this happening in individuals all over the world. Little seeds of bliss and content, firmly planted in good, rich soil. We are the first sprouts. The early crop. The volunteer harvest. Even though the current external reality looks more like a compost pile, I already see our world in full, glorious bloom and fruit.

That’s why I left Facebook when I did. I had a “job” to do on FB, and I completed that task. In what feels like a promotion (or even a giddy retirement) my new “job” is simply to do more of what I most enjoy. Let more of my gifts shine through in brighter ways. Follow my bliss. Play. Create. Let my love show and flow. Imagine. Peace out. I’ve been asking and asking for an abundant, prosperous, free and loving world where everyone can live this way. It’s high time I commit to fully becoming and receiving the change I wish to see in the world. I know from the Law of Attraction that we can speed shifts by feeling what we long for as though we already have it. For me, this has meant a return to my private life, in-person friends, my boyfriend, our families, trees, water, fantasy, and books.

I love my life! I hope you find more and more ways to love your own. Please know that seeking, finding and being change is some of the most important work you will ever do. Have fun with it!